By Wayne Elise
Imagine a coil of rope lies at your feet. Think of this rope as your personality, your history – the DNA of your life. Everything about you is imprinted on this rope.
Reach down and take hold of the end of this rope. This end is coded with the initial stuff people learn about you when you first meet. If your name is Chuck, you could tape a sign to this end that reads: To know Chuck, begin here.
At the beginning of your rope are usually ‘safe’ things such as smiles, comments, the initiations of feedback loops. But as you move down this rope, further away from the end, you find increasingly personal ideas and details.
Imagine a stranger next to you. They reach out and take the end of your rope from you. They begin reeling it into their arms. So long as you allow it, the rope passes from the floor around your feet, through your hands and collects in the arms of this other person.
This is the beginning of someone getting to know you. The details they learn about you in the first few minutes may be give-aways such as your taste in high-fidelity stereo speakers and the fact that your mouth goes crooked when you smile. But soon they could be exposed to a slice of your dead-kitten sense of humor. Then later it could be your feeling toward relationships. Eventually it could be your sexual preferences. And on and on.
Through this process of information transfer, you stop feeling like a stranger to the other person. You begin to feel like a friend or potential lover.
I think that’s a helpful metaphor for thinking of the process of someone getting to know you.
So let’s encourage people to pull out our life-ropes.
“Whoa. Slow down there cowboy.”
“What?”
“You’re missing important information Wayne. Life is never that easy.”
“Sure it is. You just…”
“No, you don’t just.”
“But…”
“Shush.”
“Wait a second. Who are you?”
“I’m the Ghost of Christmas Past.”
“What? What are you doing here? It’s mid-July.”
“This is my summer job. I get paid to fact-check. I also work at Starbucks but that’s not here or there.”
“Are you sure you’re qualified for this fact-checking thing?”
“Absolutely. I took a night course.”
“Oh. Okay. Go ahead then. Check away.”
“Thank you. I think in your rush to espouse your life-rope metaphor thingy you’ve forgotten something.”
“What’s that?”
“Tension.”
“Oh yes, tension. That’s right. Thank you. Good day.”
“I can explain further if you’d like.”
“No thank you. Good day.”
“What? You want me to go away? I don’t think you understand. I’m the Ghost of Christmas past. This is a super-natural event.”
“Yes. All that’s fine. But good day. See you in December.”
“Okay. But when I return, I’m coming for your soul.”
“It’s already mortgaged.”
“Ha. I bought that paper up for pennies on the dollar from the Chinese. Here it is. I own your soul.”
“Oh shit.”
“Yep. See you later Juggler. Muahahahahaha…”
Ahem. Sorry about that readers. Yes, there is a caveat. People won’t appreciate learning about your life-details if you just give them up. That would make you sort of a life-detail slut. Nothing wrong with that of course – so long as you dig that sort of thing.
“Hey,” he says. “Look at me! I’m fabulous. I worked with Ted Danson once.”
“I’m sorry?” She says.
“I ride a fixie. Want to see my fixie porn?”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about. Look. I didn’t ask to know anything about you. Perhaps you can hold some thoughts back.”
“I could. But I’m not going to. I’m an all out there kinda guy. I’m going to this fab party later. If you’re lucky I might invite you.”
“No thanks.”
“Aww. You’re playing hard to get. That’s so cute.”
“Whatever.”
“I hear an accent. Where are you from?”
“Nowhere.”
“Ha. Nowhere. That’s funny. Can I buy you a drink?”
“Yes. I’ll take a piña colada but don’t even think about dropping a roofie in there. I’m not going to hook up with you.”
“Whoever said anything about hooking up? You’re more of the kinda girl I see as a friend.”
“Good.”
“Good. So what’s your name?”
“Look, it’s simple. I find you physically attractive but I want to be a participant in my seduction. I’m your best ally here if you’d be more patient. But you’re pushing and pushing and not allowing me to want anything from you. You’re not building desire. See my eyes? No sparkle for you. See my hair? Yeah, it’s kinda messy. I don’t care. You don’t make me the good sort of nervous. You make me want to press the brake, not the gas. You’re not doing this right.”
“Says you. No girl has ever said anything like that to me before. I have always broken up. Never been broken up on. I’m in demand. No one has ever called me anything other than amazing.”
“They didn’t want to hurt your feelings and probably didn’t want to increase an already embarrassing situation.”
“Okay. It looks as if we’re just going to have to disagree about that. Let me show you my high-five routine. You’ll love this.”
“Sheesh. Were you listening to me?”
“Yes. Okay, no, not really.”
“That’s fine. I got a game we can play.” She leans in close. “Close your eyes.”
“Sure okay. They’re closed. This is exciting. What’s going to happen? I can’t wait. Uh… you’ve walked out the door haven’t you? Shit.”
People appreciate hearing the amazing things you have to say more if they desire them first. Don’t push. Instead, counterintuitively, you should resist.
Returning to our metaphor. You want to keep your conversational partner in a state of wanting more – pulling on your rope, sort of speak. While, at the same time, YOU want to be in a state of resistance – keeping the length of rope between the two of you taunt. This tension gives you control over the transfer of your life-details.
Pacing is the rate at which you chose to dole out your life-details and the rate that your interaction moves towards a more personal outcome.
People may not consciously be aware of pacing but they respond to it.
Pacing that’s too fast deflates the tension out of an interaction. Imagine throwing all your rope into someone’s arms. There’s no more for them to want or seek.
But pacing that’s too slow makes people feel bored and as if the interaction isn’t going anywhere.
Finding the proper pacing for the situation is a fun challenge. Sometimes we get this right and sometimes we get it wrong. But it’s always an adventure.
At an 80′s night.
“I noticed you’re wearing a lot of black.”
“Yeah. I love the whole thing. I borrowed this from my sister.”
“And wore spangles and topped it with a headband. Well, I think it looks… good. You rock the 80′s. I thought my outfit was the 80′s but it turns out I’m 1978. Perhaps it’s the wooden tennis racket. It’s a John McEnroe autographed edition.”
She looks blank.
“That was a famous tennis player,” he adds. “He – got – mad – at – people. Probably before your time. I was just trying to guess your age.”
“How old do you think?”
“I’m afraid I can’t answer that question.”
“Why can’t you answer that question?”
“Because if I do then all the tension will leave the conversation. As it stands, you want to know my guess and if I give that up I’ll lose your interest.”
“I promise you won’t lose my interest.”
“Fine. But first, let’s sit down and make ourselves a bit more comfortable, if that’s alright. Then I’ll tell you all about yourself. I’ve been told I have an intuitive nature.”
They sit down on the couch nearby.
“Where are your friends? Perhaps they should join us.”
“Don’t worry about them. I’m a big girl. I can take care of myself.”
“I bet you can. Okay, I think you’re twenty eight.”
She hits him in the shoulder.
“Okay. Twenty six?”
“You’re really bad at this.”
“I know. My credentials might have been over-stated.”
“How about you? How old are you?”
“Older than you. Let’s just put it this way. I’m your real father. I remember your mom. She was hot back in the 80′s.”
“She still’s hot.”
“I’m sure she is. People of any age can be sexy. But personally I end up dating girls who are uh…”
“What?”
“Younger, mostly.”
“Why do you do that?”
“Well, there’s a long answer to that question and a short answer.”
“What’s the short answer?”
“They’re hotter.”
“Okay, what’s the long answer.”
“I can’t really tell you. I’d have to show you.”
“Is that some sort of ploy?”
“Maybe it is. Nice use of the word ‘ploy’ by the way. That’s an archaic one. I bet you’re educated.”
“Not formally.”
“Well, now I’m fascinated.”
“I grew up in Belarus. My mother was an economist. But she made some enemies in the government. We spent my teens traveling from country to country. I was educated in libraries around Europe and by experiencing things. I didn’t read about the Yugoslav Wars. We went there.”
“I bet you met a lot of interesting people.”
“Oh yes. Heaps. You have no idea.”
“I’m sure I don’t.”
“How about you? What do you do?”
“Thanks for asking. I like that you’re curious. But it’s not that interesting to most people and takes several minutes to make anyone understand.”
“I got time.”
“And a Powerpoint presentation… I’m kidding of course. Okay, if you really want to know.”
“I do.”
“I’m an orgy planner. Ha. Just kidding. You should have seen your face. I’m not saying I haven’t thrown together an occasional orgy but it’s not my main gig. Which reminds me of why I like younger women.”
“Do tell.”
“Well, first do you mind if I ask you a personal question?”
“Um, sure.”
“What sort of guy or girl do you find attractive?”
“I like a person who’s fun. Who can laugh at themselves and not take everything too seriously. I’ve had enough of serious people to last a lifetime. I like guys with tattoos.”
“You know, almost every girl I’ve dated in the last few years has tattoos. But I’m not that into them.”
“What are you into?”
“Well, I look for specific things.”
“Yes?”
“I don’t share this with everyone but since you asked. I like a girl who’s tall but not taller than me. I like a girl who has read Hemingway but thinks it’s garbage. She loves Death Cab for Cutie but realizes that music is sentimental crack. She’s blonde with green eyes. She’s not Chinese but she’s excited about the idea of having a threesome with me and a Chinese girl. She likes dive bars and can cook a mean quiche.”
“That’s very specific.”
“Yes.”
“Why are you talking to me? I’m not blonde with green eyes.”
“Growing up in Eastern Europe I think you’d understand that in life compromises have to be made.”
“You’re a bastard.”
“I know. I was thinking it would be fun to get out of here together.”
“And do what?”
“Cab back to my place and spend the night making love to each other. I know exactly where I want to start with you.”
“And where is that?”
“On the kitchen table. Duh.”
“Hmmm… Let me think about it.”
“Sure. Take all the time you want.”
“Can I give you my number instead?”
“I don’t take numbers.”
“Give me yours then.”
“I’m not that big on the whole numbers thing. I always think that if it’s meant to be we’ll run into each other.”
“God.”
“We’ll start slow. You’ll be in control. You can use the accelerator and I’ll use the brake. You pull me into the bedroom and I’ll resist.”
“You’re a weird one.”
“I’ll take that as a compliment.”
“Are you inviting your Chinese friend?”
“I don’t have anyone specific in mind but we can find a girl later together. That can be an adventure.”
“I like adventures. The unknown. I’m a bit addicted.”
He smiles.
Stay in touch. Follow me on Twitter: http://twitter.com/Wayne_Elise
Hey Wayne,
Absolutely loved this post. This wasmy third time reading it over the last week. I love your writing. It’s unique, intelligent and fun. And it’s taking my mind off my current situation, which is that I’m in Amsterdam with only money for the cheapest hostel and none for food!
Wow. Have you actually had conversations like that? They seem… out there. Nothing like the talks I have with people. Life would be more exciting if my exchanges had that kind of fearless spontaneity to them.
Anyways, thank you for explaining why a friend/co-worker of mine has started taking an interest in my life details. I never told her anything about myself and I was… taken aback when she began inquiring.
i like all those your views .because it leads to real personality
Hey Juggler, once again great article!
This is one of the best and most entertaining man-woman dialogues i’ve ever seen. I liked how you deliberately keep the answers of the -somewhat- boring questions from her and not only because of this you be able to go on with the fun stuff you also “hold the rope” and make her even more curious. Brilliant.
I have a question tho, what was your purpose describing this “specific girl that i like”? i’ve kinda lost you there for a moment. I don’t like these caracteristic gaming titles but it’ll speed things up here; were you trying to disqualify her?
Thank you for the article. Keep posting enlightening dialogues like this. Cheers.
Wayne!
I think I saw you in downtown Amsterdam with a client a few days ago, liked your style
and what about the holy promised books? I think you’ve built enough desire for them already… maybe at least just a little tiny article?
You’re great man!
love your work
Gal
It must have been my doppelganger.
I’m on those books. Writing with my toes as I write this with my fingers. I’m definitely not in Amsterdam getting high. I swear. Not at all. I’m not in Amsterdam hiring prostitutes to iron my clothes and grease my bicycle. But if I was in Amsterdam I would buy you a beer and we would talk to pretty girls about the flowers in their hair. Thanks for the nice words in your comment. You rock. Not roll mind you. Just rock. But that’s pretty freaking good.
hey wayne I’m come from Taiwan I am 18 years old Sorry my English not well …
I have many grils relationship problem to figure out so I’ve tried to read your articles and books and even videos on youtube.I think your article is better than Neil Strauss.
I really hope that 10 years later, when I encounter relationship problems, I can take it easy and just like you..
Hi Jason,
Thanks for stopping by the site. Congratulations on being eighteen. That’s a good age. Got a twin sister? Ha. Just kidding. I’m sure in ten years, probably less, you will be taking it easy with the bumps in the road. You rock.
thank you!
opening myself up and being vulnerable helped me to make personal conversations which i was afraid off before.many thanks for your posts that are full of value and no fluff.
Thanks Delvin.
Yep, I believe fluff is for pillows and not to be thrown an people unless it’s in a pillow fight with hot college girls.
Oh wayne why you said that love is not natural?can you explain the reason behind it?
Hi Don,
Well, what I meant was that romantic love is a human construction. It’s sort of like driving a car. It’s not something that’s natural to our being but something we chose to do. It’s wonderful to feel ‘in love’ but it’s a choice. True or not, I find that’s a useful way of looking at it.
Juggler bhai!
I tried… Tried real hard to say this in a different way or in some creative way.. But I didn’t get any damn idea about “how to” lol
So I just want to say “I love you!”
Now the explanation – If I haven’t said this clearly then whatever I read and understood from this post of yours and the comments would have gone waste…
I started out as a wanna be PUA. Read a lot of stuff, tried all the methods/tips/tricks/tactics routines… You name it and I am through with it already…
I even tried mystery method before it was published, *alright that was too much…* troll face :p
Needless to say I never got any good result.. Then someone recommended me your book charisma arts… I read it and for the first time in my life something did hit my core… It was like “yes I am getting this”…
Also your posts inspired me to shift my focus from wanting to be a PUA *ahem* to wanting to be a better person and conversationalist.. And this is how my journey began…
I just don’t know how to say you “Thank you”… And I really mean it…
And about this post…
The comment with ocean-surfer metaphor… I read it a week ago, and since then my conversations are like “vertical take off”
Feels awesome when people want to be with me just because they think I am awesome…
Thanks buddy…
Hi Maverick,
I appreciate your kind words and the time you put into writing them. I’m honored that I can be of help to you. In the most manly man way possible, I love you too. *Sniff Sniff*
Hi wayne…you are too slow in updating your blog with new posts.
you are writing the best content ever written about conversation.
But why sluggishness and no marketing? louder..reach out boy!
Hi Will,
I’m happy to read your comment and thank you for the kind words. I appreciate your thoughts. The reason for the slow posting and the lack of marketing is that I’ve had to cut back in order to finish some books and other projects that I’ve promised people. It may not look like it from the site but I’m constantly busy with working with clients and traveling and other projects. I’ve become careful about taking on new work. Hope that makes sense.
Don’t put ideas into Wayne’s head:). Do you really want to see a marketing oriented CA post?
If you accidentaly discovered an abandoned,golden sand,blue water beach,would you air a TV commercial to let everyone know?
Wayne I wish you remain “undiscovered” for a looong time:).
The wheels are turning. Muhahahahaha…
Thank you.
Hey Wayne,
Please write an article about your path to understand yourself and women.
I recently began my own,and I could really use the motivation on what seems a never-ending journey…
A few ideas have helped me, such as…
* Accepting my limitations. I no longer try to do everything. I do less and let the other person do more. I run my strengths long and my weaknesses I make fun of.
* Understand that love is a man-made construction. It’s NOT natural. But it is still worthy to pursue and enjoy. Just have to understand it.
* Be willing to hear what I think I don’t want to hear. This keeps us in touch with reality.
* True or not, I try to accept that this art IS a never ending journey. It’s like when I ride my bike. If I focus on arriving at the top of the hill where I live, it seems to take forever to pedal up there, but if I imagine pushing pedals is entire my life, my forever reality, I seem to arrive quicker and happier.
* Be open to spotting and enjoying warm approaching as much as cold.
* Stop trying to make things happen and instead build desire.
Hope that gives you something to think about. Keep the faith.
Thanks very much Wayne! Although the “Love is NOT natural” concept kind of messed me up…
Looking forward for your next post!Keep it true.
Thanks!
Hey Wayne,
Just started my journey as a pua(although I don’t really like the term) and I am trying hard to get some results.
I started one month ago and I promised myself I would open every day 2 people(man or woman,as personal as possible),and 3 times a week I go out at bars to meet women and trying to have fun.
But the results are totally disappointing.I can’t seem to be able to built a real intimate connection with a woman,and often times I feel the vibe but I screw up.
Please write an article regarding your own journey to find yourself through women. I could really use the motivation on what seems a never-ending journey.
Cheers
Christos
Hi Juggler,
What is the difference between “making it personal” and sharing personal details with someone?
Regards,
Scener
‘Sharing personal details’ is a subset of ‘making it personal’. Other things that create a personal vibe is your body language and tone and pacing.
Am the bad boy gal.my life is filled with wild sex with supermodels and vocations around the world.
hey what’s on your teeth girl?
Jeez!your’e so rude..don’t u see us talking..
(Thanks for saving me from this dark phase of life)
Guy walks up to a girl, he catches her eye as he peers over her friends shoulder. So gracefully he side slides around to their side and says ‘hi’ she gulps a ball of nervousness, goes girly and replies ‘hi’.
Everything was perfect as he lived though the moment and he has made it to heaven. It’s beautiful but he is confronted by what stands in his way….. The pearly white gates. ‘Dam barriers getting in my way. How can I talk my way through them?’ he asks himself.
‘here are my rules’ god says as his voice echoes from everywhere and nowhere all at the same time.
‘let me in’ he says
‘rule one is to except heaven for what it is’
‘Let me in!’ he yells
‘forget it’
Then the cloud disappears
I just love it when people smoke weed while they peruse Charisma Arts.
Man, this was awesome! You make me think more about becoming a writer. I love the first conversation since it was complete, it didn’t end at the first mistake and the guy kept on trying his best. Needless to say, the second one is amazing. The blog seems interesting so I’ll check it out more. Out of curiosity, how much did it take to write this?
Thanks for the cheers Lonut. Writing and speaking in public are things that I think everyone can benefit from pursuing. I bet you’d be great. In any case, welcome to my world. Hope you come by frequently.
I take your question to mean how much time I took to write the article… Well, some things I write in a matter of an hour. Some things I have been hacking at for years. It’s funny that way. Much depends on the original inspiration. For this Pacing article, I have talked about the rope metaphor in the Conversation Camps so it was a natural thing to write about. I’d been meaning to write about it for months actually. But never seemed to get around to it. But then one day, I just started to type it out and the other bits about the Ghost of Christmas past and the conversation examples just seemed to attach themselves. I wrote it in five hours and spent a couple hours more fine-tuning after it was on the site. I don’t know how other people write their blog but I like to see how it looks published and will continue to find edits to make for sometimes days after its up. Thanks for asking!
do we need to plan carefully when to reveal what sort of info and stuff.does this make me a social robot?
That’s a good question Harry. I’ll share a few thoughts about this.
Conflict often arises in conversation between where we want things to be and where the conversation really has moved to.
Can you ignore reality and force your vision of where you want the conversation to be? Sure. There are lots of gurus teaching variations of doing just that. They view conversation as an audition. But I think they’re mistaken. Forcing your conversation upon someone who doesn’t want it disconnects us from each other, it creates less dynamic conversations, lessens involvement, and makes you look tragically uncool.
I say don’t force how you want things to be over where the conversation actually is. When you feel the conflict between reality and what you wish for, let reality win.
It’s like surfing. You want to work with the ocean, not against it. No matter how much you think a wave should break right, if it starts to break left, it’s breaking left. Either surf that way or drop off your board.
Most bad conversationalist are not in touch with this flow. They either are too into the idea that the conversation is an audition or they are not pacing the conversation in a way that gets the other person involved. In a sense, they aren’t willing to go with the way the waves are breaking.
You have to give up some control, let people partner with you and trust that you can be flexible enough to converse ‘off script’. Lesson your ego’s need to assert it’s needs and let thing be a little loose.
Don’t be attached to finishing your stories or giving complete anything in your conversations. The flow is more important.
Embracing this idea will organically create many unfinished conversational bits that will just build curiosity into your conversations. A good story after all leaves unanswered questions. I mean, do we really know happened to Rosencrantz and Guildenstern? I don’t think so.
The problem many people have is that they are controlled by the wrong motivation. If a person is motivated by showing off knowledge or the rightness of their opinion or they are trying to ‘audition’, than they’re going to have a tough time making interesting but ‘incomplete’ conversation that gets people involved. If you have no involvement, you have no pacing.
The right motivation is one where we’re not trying to impress or audition. Instead we are creating desire and enjoying involvement. Those motivations allows us to not try so hard and to use interesting, incomplete stories and such that allows the other person to get involved with us.
Also try slowing down and watching the other person. There is a wealth of information if you pay attention. So many people are in such a hurry to prove themselves that they miss the giveaways from the other person that can take the conversation in a dynamic direction.
Should you plan stories in this way? I say no. Pre-made pacing never fits. You will be trying to do the ‘show that’s in your head’ and not the ‘show that’s in front of you’. Instead practice this while talking with people. Be unattached to auditioning. Allow people to be your partner. That’ll sharpen your pacing instincts. In the scheme of things, this is a mind-set. Hope that makes sense. And no, you’re not a robot. You’re a real boy.
Smashing explanation and you are the real guru for rescuing conversations from becoming ego wars.thank you
I’ve been reading you since years and this flow, wave and surfer metaphor was an epiphany to me. You should writte an article on that.
I love how you answer so many comments now
I didn’t like the new design at first but i just got it, it’s cool.
Anyway, I am waiting for that book of yours. And more frequent articles. And videos of you speaking with girls.
Hi Raj,
I like your thinking. I’ll consider the writing up an article with surfing as a metaphor. I enjoy the feeling of just paddling out and sitting on a board. The size and power of the ocean makes me feel delightfully small and peaceful.
Yeah, some people hate the design at first but over time, when they realize how much easier it is to read, especially on a smart phone, they begin to appreciate it.
The book, the book – its coming further every day. It grows and it kicks and it wants to get out there and push the world around.
I doubt you will see video of me and girls anytime soon. I’m just not into the hidden camera thing but I’m so grateful you’re interested. Please stay in touch.
Ha ha…hey check with a doctor wayne maybe it will be a vampire in your womb.it have been months and months:-)
Could be a vampire. Or could be a baby who smokes cigarettes and drinks coffee.
grrr…hey busy rat where are ma books you promised?
Hi Red. I presume you mean the books I’ve been working on writing. Still in the womb I’m afraid. I feel one kick now. Ouch! He’s a mean fucker.
Simple..but earthshaking concept that is true in every human conversation.
Thanks for the inspiring article.
This is why I love you Wayne – you actually share information with people.
Every other pickup artist (or seduction artist or what the hell they’re calling themselves now) promises free emails filled with essential information, focused entirely on selling you stuff. If you want to know how to get the girl then WE JUST NEED YOUR CREDIT CARD NUMBER…
Amazingly, I’ve never once seen this kind of tactic on your website. You simply share with us what ever insight you have to give and, if pertinent; give us the link to a seminar or e-book that goes into greater depth on the matter*. But more often than not you don’t – you just let people decide for themselves if they want more.
Remarkably, you’re the only website I’ve ever actually purchased anything from. Isn’t it funny how that works?
*Yes, that is the correct use of the semi-colon
Thanks Fattyboy. I guess I’m just easy.
You know me, I hate fake stuff and fake people. In my experience all that doesn’t work anyway. People are sold into believing that marketing and pushy sales/pick up stuff works when it’s all smoke and mirrors. I like to deal with reality. And the reality is that, just like you mentioned, people are more likely to do business with someone they trust and who doesn’t overly hype their products. I’m very glad you connect with that way of doing business and its great to hear from you as always.
What’s with Belarus? Which I’m happened to be from:)
Even people in Yugoslav don’t really know where it is Where you Acing geography class back in high school?
All the hot girls and cool guys are from Belarus obviously.
Funny, my dad is actually an ace at geography. He spent most of his working life in factories but he knew where Yugoslavia was.
Hai wayne..awesome post..but man your writing talents are meant for bestseller lists.humour and thorough understanding of human mind is your high point,so please write something other and improve your reach and audience..good luck
One day I may do that but right now I write so that I can get awesome comments such as yours James. You help keep me motivated to push my creativity. Thanks for the comment.
Great article, indeed!
Instead of writing an essay full of arguments for the importance, for example, of humor in a conversation, you write down an imaginary conversation full of humorous moments. And that’s it!
Everybody can now understand the importance of humor because they have experienced it with their own bodies, at gut-level.
To put it in other words, a good joke says more about the importance of joking than one thousand arguments can.
I’m glad you and I are on the same page about that JG. I always like the idea of showing and not just telling. Thanks very much for your kinds words. I hope you stay in touch and keep coming back here as we keep putting together content that hopefully give’s people more of an experience.
Hi Wayne,
I am definitely that “all out there” guy. While talking about myself, I usually release a lot of information about myself. I also feel obliged (and excited) to answer a question when I am asked.
In this article somehow you somehow manage to entirely avoid answering some questions, delay answering some, start new topics in the process of answering some, make cliffhanger statements that generate even more questions, and you even have an escalation to a couch using the curiosity of the questioner…wow…it seems to be an endless magical rope…
Its amazing how you are able to bottle so much complexity into such a simple looking dialogue…this is invaluable to me…thank you
You are welcome my friend. Note that the delays and the avoidance it not necessarily a gimmick but a response to the conversation and moves of the other person and needs of the relationship. You can do the same when you remove the idea of forcing anything in the conversation and begin to feel the pull of the relationship.
Nice article..rope metaphor is awesome and it rocks.
Cool article Wayne. I like the dynamic using curiosity like this creates too. It feel like you are directing the conversation but not asking for approval, and even though you are choosing where it goes, they are digging deeper to find out more about you, therefore they are investing! I hope I got that right, seems clever, I’ll give it a shot tonight. Did you get my email?
Ryan
Thanks for the comment Ryan. I did get your email. Just wrote back to you.
Hey Juggler,
Great article again boy! I think you are Jesus or something.
I love how the stuff is simple yet profound, not just this article but everything that you have been writing. If only we morons (ok, just me) could apply this in our daily interactions.
I am sure if I approach more women, and keep in mind these pointers, I can receive amazing results.
(fades out with an ominous song)
This is a great blog post about pacing, defiantly can see how that works in a interaction, and keeping the line taught, by not revealing to much information about yourself, almost teasing, and having the woman invest more in the interaction, she will have a thirst for more, as well as amp up the seduction and get her to use her imagination, a bit like the movie inception, planting a thought, and see it grow.
I love Inception! Thanks for the reminder to re-watch it Jitesh.
I like when you have the “What not to do” compared to the “What to do” sample interactions. I find those helpful. If anything I want to read some recent conversations from your life. Picking up on your vibe definitely helps, not copy, but refine mine.
But overall good article. Good fine tuning to your theory of “getting personal sooner the better.”
I actually considered using examples from my own life for this article but just started to write something from the imagination and enjoyed it. Thanks for the comment Karl. You rock.