'You girls are crazy!'
For a limited time. I want to help direct you. Swallow your ego and write about your mistakes. What happened on your meets/dates/interactions with the opposite sex that went wrong. Post it in the comments section below and I will give you some ‘Wayne’ ideas to try next time. Let the fun begin.
{ 63 comments… read them below or add one }
Hey Wayne,
I am a huge fan of your material and I can honestly say, hands down your method of meeting women is the BEST! I just love how you unfuse the tension by not taking your self too seriously.
My questions to you is, what could I have said to the girl in the following cases so she finds me genuinely interested in what she does but finish my statement in a humorous way so the interaction does flow to a boring “job interview” mode.
Ex.
Her: I am a nurse/ account/ air port security/ physical therapist/ lawyer/psychology major
I am attending the Jan 14-15 bootcamp in NY and I’m very excited!!!
Thanks,
CHARITH
Hey Wayne,
So, I was out shopping for a Christmas gift for my sister. I went into a home decor store known as kirklands which has a lot of the mushy wall stuff my sister enjoys and old school paintings and what not. I found two seperate gift ideas for my sister. 1. Leopard Print Bath Robe 2. 2 Wall “word” (faith, love) and stackable coffee mugs on stainless steel rack.
Being unable to decide between the two I turn around to look for an associate for an opion when I see a 2set right around my age (18) wondering the store. At first I was fairly surprised to see anyone under the age of like 25 in there. Then I remember where *I* was. haha… So, I figured, “what the hell”.
I walked directly up to the girl and opened with this.
Me – Excuse me miss, I’m in a bit of a dilemma and need a female opinion.
Her- Yeah, sure.
Me – Ok, so…(i explained my situation like i did to you with a nice smile on my face and a charming look in my eye…keep in mind I had just got off work so I was dressed for success and looking even better than normal…which I ams ure helped)
…. So, if you were a 23yo female with tattoos, platinum blonder hair with red and blue tips on the side, living in your own apartment, like crazy clothes and love coffee which gift would you rather have?
Her – Well, does he already have a bath robe, does she actually make her own coffee or just drink it? would the stuff match her apartment?
Me – Yeah, but I don’t think she really uses it. She makes her own coffee yes and yes the coffee mugs and the words match her apartment.
Her- Then I would go with the mugs and words. It’s more of a brotherly gift.
Me- Ok. I’m going to take your advice. But what happens if she doesn’t like.
(Said this with a wink)
Her- (laughs)Well, then I don’t know. I guess she just won’t like it.
Me- I’ll make sure to tell her it’s your fault.
(This is where I screwed up and instead of taking it even farther personal and then on to sexual level I just ended it. I think I got kind of nervous…which shouldn’t of happened because I had got past that in the first place)
Her- (Laughs) Ok! do that it will be pretty funny!
(This wasn’t a closing statement so I knew she was willing to keep talking and her friend was on the other side of the store so no problem)
Me- Ok well thanks. I’m going to take your advice and hope it works out for me.
I went on to pay. She continued to linger right around my area even when I heard her friend ask if she was ready to go. I knew I should of went and talked to her again but I didn’t and then by the time i was done she had left….
Where could I have stepped it up or done better?
Thanks and sorry for being long winded,
Jared K.
I often try to lead conversations to the topics of travel, being adventurous, exploring new countries…
When a girl tells about a trip she took, say, to Scotland… “I went there with a friend and we loved it. I’m going back in the summer!”
Whether or not I have also been to the same country (in this case, I have been to the same place) what is the best way to vibe, or transition and lead the conversation into deeper rapport?
I don’t necessarily want to just agree with her, “Ahh, I went there too! I loved the blood pudding!”
Do I say something teasingly like, “Oh God, I have to go with you to be your tour guide, so I can show you such and such….” and create a future projection?
How do you escalate the conversation when you’re talking about travel adventures? What kind of shared travel emotions do you shoot for that trigger the best sparks?
Thanks Wayne!! I think I love you.
Will
I had an interesting interaction yesterday, and since I believe you’re one of the best when it comes to conversation and rapport, I thought I’d ask you about it.
This interaction happened last night, as I was winging my buddy. I spoke to an Asian girl, but even though she was open to conversation, I don’t think I steered the conversation correctly. It felt uncomfortable and not fun, and I don’t know why, so I’d like you to read it and tell me your comments. For one, thing, I now my vibe was off, I wasn’t smiling much, nor very relaxed.
Here are the different bits I remember:
Her: So where are you from, Pete?
Pete: Take a guess.
Her: Italy.
Pete: No.
Her: Mexico.
Pete: Actually, Colombia.
Her: Ohhh, mucho gusto. (nice to meet you)
Pete: You know, I love Colombia. In my neighbourhood, people didn’t lock their doors, and all Colombian people care about is dancing and having fun.
Her: But it’s dangerous, and then there are also drugs.
Pete: Oh my god, lovely stereotype. (and I turned my back to her for a second)
———
Pete: You look like you studied psychology.
Her: Yes, I majored in psychology, but now I’m in business school.
Pete: I’m fascinated by psychology.
Her: Well, a lot of it is bullshit.
(Then we talked about our different perspectives of psychology- boring)
———
———–
Pete: So what are your passions?
Her: Travelling.
Pete: Interesting, there is a question I love asking anyone I meet: What’s the most amazing place you’re ever been to?
Her: Depends. If we’re talking about nature and beautiful sights, Galápagos Island, if it’s about a laidback culture, Spain.
Pete: I like cities, but I’m more amazed by the beauty of nature. I once hiked to a natural reserve back home in Colombia, a lake surrounded by and untouched forrest… It’s one of the coolest feeling I’ve had, it was silent and calm.
(the thread died here)
———-
Pete: I like the feeling of peacefulness I get when I meditate, I’m sure you have an activity that absorbs you and makes you forget about everything else?
Her: T.V.
Pete: Really, I don’t love T.V. that much… what’s your favorite show?
Her: Gossip Girl
Pete: You’re fucking with me.
Her: Noooo, I love it.
After this, I turned to her friend and asked how she could hang out with a girl like that. She burst laughing, and admitted that she also had some things that were embarrasing. I loved this thing, so I told her I secretly dance to ——- with my niece, and she said she loved me for that, and confessed about her secret dances too, and how she loved the show “The Bachelor”. We laughed and after 3 minutes were hugging and laughing. The connection was amazing, way different than the one with her friend.
So I’m sort of baffled about the first interaction, because it felt uncommonly tense and boring. I’m curious about what happened, it’s the first time I get have to stand such an uncomfortable conversation. Please feel free to critique as much as you like, I really want to improve my conversational skills, and I’d appreciate your sharing your knowledge.
I know you’re busy, man, sorry for the long e-mail. Please reply at your convenience.
Thanks for your helping us improve our lives.
Pete G.
Thanks a lot for your feedback to my post of 13th November, Wayne, brother
After reading that, would anyone still want to uphold that philosophy is dry and all theory gray?
I did ENJOY your reply so much, I remember when I went out for lunch from work I must have been glowing internally, I had 2 beautiful woman approach me.
The first just looked at me, we were waiting for an elevator, I looked back, smiled, she kept looking, smiled back. Neither one said anything. She kept looking. We exchanged a few words in the elevator, and before she got out she gave me her card
Right after that, the second one was sitting on a couch next to me. She had some of the most amazing eyes I have seen, like shining steel, but warm steel, and she kept looking at me and smiling.
Weird day.
Anyway, you amaze me, I come for your advice on conversations, and you teach me a philosophy lecture on top
Hope we can sip some more wine one day!
The day before Thanksgiving, I was at a bar and I saw a cutie sitting alone at a table, on a long bench. I scooted in next to her and waited for her to notice me. She didn’t, so I put my hand out and said hi.
- Hi.
- I thought I’d come over and say hi. I’m Grasshopper.
- I’m Meredith.
- Nice to meet you, Meredith! So how’s your evening going so far?
- Good, you?
- It’s OK. I’ve been hanging out with my freind Roger and it’s actually been kind of dead the places we’ve gone. I’ve never seen the city so quiet. I guess everyone’s away for the holidays.
- Yeah, I guess so.
- I feel kind of bummed seeing the city so quiet, it seems kind of sad.
- But that’s just the way the holidays are.
- True. So what are you doing for Thanksgiving?
- Going to a friend’s place. You?
- Going to a friend’s place too. I was going to go home, but I forgot that my family decided to celebrate Thanksgiving a week early, so I actually missed it.
- Oh, that’s sad.
- It is sad! I’m bummed. There’s an uncle I really like and I was looking forward to seeing him. But it’s OK, I think I’m going to see him over Christmas.
- Oh, that’s nice.
- Yeah.
- Well, have a happy Thanksgiving! (At this point is was obvious she was hinting for me to leave.)
- Oh! Yeah. OK. Yeah, you too. Happy Thanksgiving. It was nice meeting you.
- You too.
Hey, I’m in high school at the moment, but would like some tips. Obviously high school game isn’t the same as the game you teach Juggler. I would like some help on what I should do now though to set myself up for success in the future. Another question, how long do you (Juggler/Wayne) plan on teaching bootcamps? (Hopefully until I reach the age necessary to go to bars) =)
Hey Wayne,
This is pretty cool. I was wondering about email game. I was thinking of hitting up this one girl at school with this email about a week after I last saw her:
“”"”"
Hey X! Hows it going? I havent talked to you in a while and just wanted to drop you a line. Finals suck and I havent seen you in a bit. I hope your not going crazy because thats bad.. talk to you soon..
“”"”"
or should I just go for the kill and ask her out via email? If so, how can it be done?
Thanks man,
Dare2
Hey Wayne,
First of all, thanks for all of your help! I can honestly say that your insights have changed my life for the better!
Ive been working on email game in the forums with Wandering Sumo and was hoping that you could comment!
In short, Im a student and shes a student, Ive SOIed before and exams and the holidays are coming up so I thought it best to stay in touch with this girl through email. I was thinking of sending her an email after about a week from my last interaction with her as follows:
“”"”"
hey X! I wanted to see how you are doing since I havent spoken with you substantially in a while. Ive really enjoyed talking with you and ideally Id like to sit down with you sometime and have a nice face to face but I know how finals go. Its that lovely time of year again!
Anyways, how was studying and do you feel prepared? Are you still on that strange sleep schedule? Do you need to take sleeping pills? haha!
I finally got a table in my apartment to study on so Ive been pretty excited to crack open my books. Its funny because Ive never done work in my place all year and never really had a table to put books on to study from. I suppose that desperate times call for desperate measures!
Anyways, I hope things are well! ttyl..
-Dare2
“”"”
I was hoping that you could give me your comments on the 1 week timing and the email itself. Also, I’d be very grateful if you could work with me on wording.
Thanks!
Dare2
Hi Xavier,
During the day it is smart to show interest sooner rather than later. There should be a personal escalation and then get logistics and then instant date or SOI depending on the situation. You are still hitting the steps, speaking in ‘I’ statements and making your questions more open-ended. But day game has to be progressed fast. People just will not hang out in a super market and have a conversation for very long. Come out and meet me sometime and I will show you in person what I am talking about. It is a difficult thing to describe in text.
Surely going in for the kill, makes the whole method pointless, as your just being direct (which I’m fond of, but attempt to use CA’s teaching to get round this habit as I’m getting older and it doesn’t work as well anymore).
There’s no escalation here, with what and whys, OEQs, I statements and all the rest of the stuff were told to do. What’s the point of all of that if were being recommended to just open, find if she’s single and close. I’ve being doing that for years in clubs and bars but it goes no where really.
lol=laugh out loud
Sorry, It just hit me that an example interaction would be useful.
This happened awhile back while the girl was at my house and we were looking at pictures of her on my computer. This isn’t the first interaction we’ve ever had.
Me: Wow, you must enjoy taking photos of yourself. I’ve only got like 5 and half of them are me in the middle of looking away from the camera. I hate it when people take pictures of me.
Kitty: *laughs* I’m gonna take a picture of you when your not looking.
Me: I store the people who’ve taken pictures of me in there *point to my closet* Most of them are dead.
Kitty: You wouldn’t do that to a cute little girl.
Me: Your right, I wouldn’t. *I hug her and give her a noogie* =P
The playful kino goes on and she ends up going to get a drink after. I tell her to grab me one to.
Me: Holy ****! No matter how cute you try to look, your cleavage still shows. (this is the arrogance and ballsyness i was talking about) *I’m looking at the pictures*
Kitty: *laughs*
Me: Come here. *I pull the neck of her shirt up over her boobs, of course i avoid making THAT much contact haha*
Kitty: Hey! *she backs away*
Me: *I turn my back to her and sit back down*
I return negativity with not paying attention or just acknowledging it and not reacting. Either way, I don’t react. I’ve found when i react negatively she does, then i do, then she does. It escalates and then it explodes. I found that not reacting is the best approach (but i dont reward it with attention, such as staying and talking to her)
Kitty: You shouldn’t touch girls there.
Me: *I totally ignore this comment* Look at this. *She comes over to look at the computer*
Me: Don’t you see a problem with all these pictures?
Kitty: No.
Me: Your wearing clothes in all of them! You need some naked pictures. (more arrogance)
Kitty: *laughs* that would be illegal.
Me: Well, I think every girl needs naked pictures. They’d look better.
They rest of the day was spent getting some food, then going back and her leaving on her bike.
The next interaction was done on the computer. It’s harder to say a lot, but I take the chance to use text such as “Zach hugs soandso” This isn’t as forward as it is in real life and the girl is more open to it. After framing myself as a touchy guy online (normally right after I meet the girl, like the same day I’ll chat online with her) Then when I meet her in person I actually go for the kino and she isn’t as shocked. Anyhow, on to the next conversation (this is talking online). Its a bit long and kinda immature (i try to stand out from the crowd, cause no one wants to date the average joe the plumber)
me: ur b day is on halloween?
??
helenweidemann: YEAH!
me: that is so cool
mines august 15th
which isnt a holiday
6:23 PM helenweidemann: lol
me: BUT IT SHOUDL BE
i mean
helenweidemann: Zach is awesome day
me: i was born on that day
and they celebrate b days like jesuses
so y not zach?
helenweidemann: loll
Because ur not as awesome
6:24 PM me: ouch
wiat
i mean
ouch
jeez
meany
ha!
die
6:25 PM helenweidemann: lol
pshh
Well I’m poking u with a cane
me: a candy cane?
those taste good
helenweidemann: no
the one made of metal
6:26 PM xP
or a metal rod!
ha
6:29 PM me: I have a metal rod
6:30 PM helenweidemann: me too
me: i have a bigger one
helenweidemann: no I do!Well anyways ur not strong enough to lift up ur rod
6:31 PM me: thats what she said
helenweidemann: O.o what?
me: what?
u dont know?
wait
he said she said?
6:32 PM ever heard of it?
helenweidemann: nope
me: wwwoooowwwww
well
anyways
its basically
helenweidemann: u should talk to Surya ur making him feel lonely
loll
me: HUH?!
helenweidemann: He says he’s saying stuff to u
and ur not answering
but ohw ell
wait
me: oh
helenweidemann: basically what?
me: u have his email
helenweidemann: mmhm
6:33 PM Do u not want to talk to him?
me: no
wait
where do u live?
helenweidemann: Palo Alto
me: more specific
helenweidemann: YOU HAVE A BROTHER?
Midtown
me: oh
damn
nvrm
yeahelenweidemann: why?
me: didnt u know?
6:34 PM helenweidemann: -.- no
How old is ur brother?
me: five kilometers
helenweidemann: O.o what?
me: wait
no
i mean yes
6:35 PM lucas in thr group chat is my bro
6:36 PM helenweidemann: wait how old is he?
That is Julia Sun
me: like 10
helenweidemann: tinkatu
really?
How u know Julia?
6:37 PM to u hate ur bro?
6:38 PM me: not really
helenweidemann: dam Can I be mean to him
?
6:42 PM xP
6:44 PM me: he
ok
6:45 PM this is what i mean by hyper
just watch the group chat
helenweidemann: lol I seeme: u can come back
surya left
6:57 PM helenweidemann: lol
7:02 PM me: palo alto
midtown
helenweidemann: lol
7:03 PM how I look like in person?
me: facebook
helenweidemann: other then that
7:04 PM me: umm no
lol
cousins son
helenweidemann: yeah
well
me: lol
haha
how old is he?
helenweidemann: I will met u then I can invite u
18….
me: HAHA
helenweidemann: teehee
BUT HE’S SMOKING!
7:05 PM me: sexy…
now i think hes hot
helenweidemann: lolll
Okay
so when shall I met u?
me: gunn
probabaly
or ill stalk u dow
7:06 PM down
=)
helenweidemann: but wait
if it’s at gunn
then I can’t invite u:o
until then!
me: u planned that
cheater…
meanie…
helenweidemann: what?
how??
7:08 PM me: u planned it all out
actually u didnt
nvrn
i still like u
hugs
7:09 PM falls alsleep
7:11 PM helenweidemann: aww
me: taps fingers
helenweidemann: u fall asleep so early
wait what did I plan out?
me: cant tell u
helenweidemann: noo
HOw
>o
7:25 PM Why am I hugging u
oh wait that’s right I felt bad for u
me: lol
7:26 PM no
u just hug me cause u like me =)
helenweidemann: uhh okay..
lol
me: pft
7:27 PM helenweidemann: Sure..
me: ha
helenweidemann: yepppp
7:28 PM Sooo
how’s it going
me: good
helenweidemann: I met u on the street lolll
^^
sry
I felt like telling ppl that
7:29 PM xP
soo
when we gonna met
I have ur donut!
me: lol
7:30 PM its gona be all black amd mushy by the time we meet
helenweidemann: wait when’s ur birthdya?
nah were gonna met uhh this sunday!maybe,,
7:31 PM me: lol
helenweidemann: wait when’s ur bday??
me: secret
7:32 PM helenweidemann: August 15th
7:33 PM me: dang it
7:34 PM u actually scrolled up?
helenweidemann: No
lol
me: oh
psychic…
7:35 PM helenweidemann: yepp
me: ahh
7:36 PM what am i thinking of?
helenweidemann: How awesome I am and how much u adore me
:]
7:37 PM me: close
but not quite
helenweidemann: what u thinking of?
me: nothing actually
helenweidemann: psh
7:38 PM no u were thinking I wonder what Helen is gonna say ..
7:39 PM me: na
oh
helenweidemann: oll
me: how sexy am i on a scale of 1-10?
7:41 PM 50 ppl wow
helenweidemann: seriously
me: u talk with a lot of guys =P
helenweidemann: and girls..
lol
7:42 PM uhh
umm
um
uhwaur
7:43 PM me: 1-10how sexy am i?
helenweidemann: um
uhh
um
uh
me: taps fingers
20
7:44 PM helenweidemann: 8.932198479175293
me: aww
just 8?
helenweidemann: okay
fine
9?
me: 20
7:45 PM helenweidemann: 20??
me: or 30
20 30 or die
ok
30 40 or die
helenweidemann: die
wait
no
ur so ugly I will die
me: takes out
helenweidemann: jk jk
me: takes out knife
helenweidemann: aw man
Okay 15
7:47 PM me: WHAT?!
30
or 40
u misspelled sarcasticallyhelenweidemann: shuddup
-.-
me: ok
7:48 PM no
!
maybe if u give a 50
helenweidemann: Whatt
ur 15 out of 10
7:49 PM me: no
50
meebo
what is that?
sounds like mee poo
7:50 PM helenweidemann: Connects aim gmail msn together
me: wow
so its liek virtual duct tape
helenweidemann: and it’s like aim
me: oh…
ok
7:51 PM u on a scale of 1 – 10
can be……………………….
lemme see….
uh
u can be
13
helenweidemann: lol only??
7:52 PM me: u can be sexy
but not AS sexy as me
helenweidemann: Zach I am soo much sexier then u!
7:53 PM me: no u arent
helenweidemann: Yeah I am
me: boobs are pretty sexy
but i might up with my iron ass
*make up
helenweidemann: lol
nahme: pft
u havent even seen it
7:56 PM helenweidemann: U haven’t seen moi either
I’m to awesome!
7:58 PM me: ur butt cant be that great
helenweidemann: It’s sexier then urs
:]
8:01 PM me: its like a blob
helenweidemann: O>o
me: while mine is like a rounded ball of iron
=P
8:02 PM helenweidemann: Mine is awesome
Ur’s is ugly
man
I’m like a google out of ten while ur like a hundred out of ten
8:04 PM me: and thats y i like u hugs
helenweidemann: :]
yay
hug
I like ur hugs to just there not as awesome as mine ^^
8:06 PM me: stops hugging helen
8:07 PM helenweidemann:
:’(
okay fine ur hugs ment more
they were awesome
that’s why I’m so sad to lose the hugs
(hmm)
8:08 PM me: say ur sorry
sorry zachey that i ever insulted ur glamourous butt and ur hugs
helenweidemann: I’m sorry Zach a :-* on the cheek it’s all good right??
I’m sorry I insulted ur hugs
but not the
butt
8:09 PM me: pokes helenwhich cheek do u kiss me on?
helenweidemann: the better one
8:10 PM right cheek
that better be the one with no acne
me: i dont have acne
helenweidemann: That’s a relief
anything messed up with ur cheek??
me: but what i was talking about was
my butt cheek
or my facial
8:11 PM =P
lol
helenweidemann: WHAT THE
FACE
duh
eww
that nut shape butt heck no
me: zach 1 – helen 0
u said eww
helenweidemann: dam
no
it’s
2-1
me: u got one?!
8:12 PM helenweidemann: yheah!!1
u just said it
wait
2-2teehee
^^
so counts
:]
8:13 PM me: uhg
cheater
helenweidemann: it’s nto cheating
me: hugs
and u misspelled not
helenweidemann: hugs back
shush
me: NTO NTO
helen did an oopseys
helenweidemann: wiat so what can one not say?
8:14 PM me: wuddya mean?
helenweidemann: what do I say to get points?
for u to get points?
me: im not falling for this
>.<
helenweidemann: Dam
wait but what are the words
8:15 PM t o
t-o
this dont’ count
revise the rules
me: ok
OFFICIAL TIMEOUT
(only i can do that)
helenweidemann: psh
non!
me: and its eww
and disgusting
sick
It goes on
I dont expect any of you to read the entire thing, but it give you an idea of what I do. I would appreciate some tips and advice on this.
Hey wayne, I love reading your stuff, hilarious. Thank you for your suggestion. I would love to attend a CA camp in Ann Arbor, but Im only 19, so I wont be able to go to bars/clubs in the US and A…. Or do you have a good fake ID that I could use?
Well I have a few questions:
Do you ever get those “blank” moments? Times when you just dont know what to say? How do you deal with them? Do you have a backup line?
How do you address the “Mother Hen”?? It happens to my friend and I very often. I would be trying to maintain a convo with a girl and out of nowhere her ugly friend comes pull her away saying one of these lines:
“Sorry she is are taken.” or
“We have to go dance, NOW.” or
“SHE IS MINE!” or
“KTHXBYE”, etc…
And poof… they disappear…
Thanks!!!
PS: Come do a camp in Toronto, Please?
Hey Wayne,
Glad I get to finally get some advice. Just a quick summary. I, unlike most others studying this subject, am 16. I’m positive my parents wouldn’t approve of me going to one of your seminars =) But anyhow, I actually do have some skill with girls. The thing is that it isn’t because of the tecniques (I really don’t know how to spell it at the moment, but I’ll look it up after this) taught by you and others I study, but because of my large social circle and arrogance (which for some reason works in highschool). My problem right now is not getting the girl in highschool, as I can do that. But I want to be able to continue success and work on the conversational skills taught by CA. I’ve read the eBook and listened to the podcasts so far. I want to be able to work on some essentials to conversation and pickup which will be applicable later in my life, or even now. And another problem I’m having is opening sets when in the presence of the girls parents. I’ve tried enitiating the chat with the girl and then asking if the person is her father (which i know he is). Of course she says yes, and after the father hears this i introduce myself to him and befriend him quickly. After this though, I cant escalate without the father either stopping me or interjecting. Also, I’d like to get just general advice on what I should work on right now in highschool and through colledge. I’m sure, looking back you have plenty of epiphanies and things you wish you’d done. Again, thanks for this chance to get advice, i wouldn’t be able to get it otherwise =P
PS.
Does Johny Denver still teach with you, and how long do you plan on still teaching (hopefully unto your death as I’d like to get a chance to be taught by you)
Signed,
Your faithful padawan
Wayne! Argh I’m the too nice/scared to make a move guy and I hate it! So there’s this beautiful blondie cutie that I’ve been going to the same gym with for a few months now. She opened me one day making fun of some guy’s shaved legs and from then on we’ve shared witty banter at other gym goers’ expenses. Sometimes even when they’re in earshot (she’s fearless).
I always rationalized not making a move on her by saying that my workouts never ended at the same time as hers so I could never walk out with her. Well today we were having a long conversation by the door at the end of our workouts and I sucked it up and said, “oh you walking out? I’ll walk out with you”
her: “sure”
So we walk out together, exchange some jokes but one of the main problems I have is it seems due to my reticence girl’s are afraid to touch me (rofl). She’ll reach out to touch me while she’s talking but stop at the last second because of something she seems to perceive about me. It’s a problem about openness in my body language I’m trying to work on.
Anyway, I mention that because while we’re walking I kept my distance from her. Usually when I’m walking with a girl I like to do the ‘bump her with my side move’ after she teases me to initiate first contact. (My only walking move). So I realize I’m not initiating contact and it’s starting to get in my head while I’m walking with this girl that I’ve never escalated and now that I’ve made my move I’m not escalating.
So she goes to get coffee and I walk with her and she asks me if I’d like something, I was just wearing my gym clothes and didn’t have any money so I boneheadedly declined (strike 2). She jokes with the old guy behind the counter, (she’s full of life this girl) and me and then we leave together.
We walk toward where she has to go one way and I have to go another and while the conversation is not awkward, it was flowing nicely and bubblingly, it was just not very intimate. So I say, “well I have to go this way can I call you sometime?
(There’s sort of an inside joke between us about how I’m an awkward guy, and I’ve tried to use that weakness as an endearing strength because no matter how hard I try it’s incurable; the awkwardness).
So she smiles and I just couldn’t leave the vacuum out there (curse my willpower) and I say, “you know for a drink?”
She giggles and says, “yeah sure, you’d be fun to hang out with”.
It was raining so some hijinx ensued about her trying to write her number on a wet piece of paper while I balanced her etc. and at the end she said, “ta ta”, and then made fun of herself for saying that. I saw it as a good sign that maybe she was nervous as well. Anyway, I saw the “yeah sure, you’d be fun to hang out with” as a sure ‘friend zone’ sign as I was too huevo-less to make my intentions clear. I realize the mistakes I’ve made. The question is, how to I navigate the friendship mine field from here and steer myself straight on course to the hot and heavy romance iceberg?
Hi Anthony,
Getting into how to handle the relationship question and logistics unfortunately goes beyond the scope of this blog post. I would suggest posting a question about those topics on our forum and I’d be glad to comment there.
Hi Improviser,
Cheers for going off and doing that. Well, there could be many things that figure into your success. I would be curious about timing, your facial expressions, etc. It’s unfortunately impossible for me to give you real coaching in my blog here.
I would caution anyone from using the exact words that I write here in that your interactions will be different, and you have to calibrate to your situation. I’m only hoping to teach the spirit of fun with a stranger along with some idea of escalation.
Having said that, I’d love to be able to coach you more directly Improviser. You may want to consider signing up for phone coaching with me http://www.charismaarts.com/phone-coaching /or attend one of my talks or events.
btw, did you really introduce yourself as Improviser?
Good question Xavier. Of course the interaction is sparse to reasonably fit in the comment section of this blog and to deal with my slow typing skills. In real life, there would be more and probably stay in a ‘personal’ stage longer.
However, in many day game situations it is smart to go in for the ‘kill’ relatively quickly. Grrrr….
Hey Wayne,
I did about 25-30 approaches closely following the shined up version. I got shot down a lot (like 95% of the time). Got a few numbers, but more as friends. Which is cool.. cos I’m learning still. I’m a short guy 5’6 “ and physical looks are not my strength.
So, this is what I tried at the supermarket for the first 15 or so.
——————————–
Me: “Heeeeyyy…You look interesting…. I’ve got a question for you….. This may sound wild … and crazy…. but here it is. What is a good shampoo?”
Her: “Well.. I use this one.. it is pretty good.”
Me: “Hey thanks. I appreciate that. What’s your name?”
Her: “I’m Clare,” she says.
Me: “Cool. I’m Improviser. I know it’s an Odd name. My parents were jokesters. So this may seem like a little sudden but I get a great vibe from you. Are you single, married, sworn off of men, because I would love to sit down at the coffee shop next door for a cup of coffee for five minutes.”
Here are the responses I got so far:
1. “I’m actually focused on meditation these days… so I’m not really interested in dating”.
2. “I have a party to go to today.. so I cant right now.”
3. “I really appreciate it. But, I’m not interested.”
4. “I don’t drink coffee.” “I don’t drink either.”
5. “I gotta go.. “ but good luck with the bar.
6. “I have a boyfriend.”
Looks are not my strength. I’m a minority and about 5’6” tall. And I know they are all very comfortable talking to me. And, I don’t have major anxiety problems. Been at this for close to 2 years (with a 1 year LTR break in the middle) and I have about total of 1700 sets under my belt. So, I don’t feel a lot of anxiety.
———-
I modified the above version to extend the personal vibe. And, I tried another 15 approaches.
Confident… deep voice. Nice and slow…
Me: “Heeeeyyy…You look interesting…. I’ve got a question for you….. This may sound wild … and crazy…. but here it is. What is a good shampoo?”
Her: “Well.. I use this one.. it is pretty good.”
Me: “Hey thanks. I appreciate that. What’s your name?”
Her: “I’m Claire”
Me: “Cool. I’m Improviser. I know it’s an Odd name. My parents were jokesters………<>……………….. I have an intuition about you.”
Her: “What is it?”
Me: “You are a school teacher.”
Her: “What makes you say that?”
Me: “The hands. They give it away.”
Her: “That is so funny… I actually am a school teacher. “
Me: “I always wanted to be a school teacher. A few months ago I baby sat my nephews.. they were a handful. …. …….. so what is it like being a school teacher?”
Her: “I actually like it a lot. I’m blissfully happy. Some days it is easy. Somedays I get tired. But I like kids overall.” What about you.. what do you do?
Me: That’s a two part question. I will answer the first part. I take pictures. I think photography is both an art and a science. And, I like taking pictures and coming up with stories for the pictures I take.
Her: “What kind of pictures do you take?”
Me: “I tell you what.. Who are you shopping with today?”
Her: “Nobody..”
Me: “Because I would love to sit down at the coffee shop next door for a cup of coffee and get to know you better. And talk about photography.”
Her: “well… …. thanks for the offer.” “but I have to go”. But.. I’m always looking to make new friends. Do you have a card on you?
Me: “Well.. I usually don’t carry my business cards on me.”
Her: “Actually let me give you mine.” She gives me her business card. I’m not really looking for a relationship right now…. And shakes hands with me.
———
This happened a lot in the last few days Wayne. If I get to instant date, I know my odds improve. Did I do anything wrong in the above interaction?
Thanks,
Improviser
Isn’t there a lack of rapport in this interaction with the greeter girl. Where’s the personal vibe stage and SOI? Here it’s being recommended to go straight in for the kill and direct after finding out her relationship status.
Surely this will just end in her getting buyer’s remorse; further it heavily relies on the fact of physical attraction..
Dear Wayne,
Your help on this one would be greatly appreciated:
BACK STORY:
While in Paris for work (at a week long expo) I see this beauty one morning walking along the street – we walk practically side by side, she seems in a rush – I praise my luck as she turns into where the event is taking place – as she walks in I lose her but hope to see her again (of course)
During the same day she comes over to our booth to look at our products – I approach and said something in English (can’t remember the exact words) – she was startled because she was so engrossed in what she was looking at and her English is not all that great – before I have a chance to say much more, someone tugs on my arm and by the time I turn around she has left.
Fast forward to the end of the event (a few days later) – I am having drinks at the centre to celebrate the end of the event – as I’m finishing up my drinks and I go to leave I see her head pop out from behind her friend and she motions to me and says something in French which I don’t catch – I walk over and we begin a conversation:
She was standing with her friend as we spoke (her friend spoke better English) – this was a while ago now so I can’t remember exactly what was said but we generally went over how the event had gone etc. and I was having a generally lovely chat to both of them – (I think I tried to SOI during the conversation by telling the story of how I saw her earlier in the week on the street by saying I was walking along the street and I saw this pretty French girl..) but I found it difficult with the other girl there and it was a bit of a pathetic attempt – there was also minimal kino (touching on the arm)
Then:
Me: It’s my birthday (it was) would you like to go check out some bars later on? (Note: It was a Sunday night and most places are closed in Paris so it’s difficult to go out)
Her and friend: Oh, we have to go for dinner with our boss
Me: I have to go for dinner with my colleagues now too, maybe after?
Her and friend: We both have to work tomorrow so not tonight sorry!
We exchanged contact details but they just wrote down emails (presumably because it was the end of the event and I was returning home the next day)
As we walked outside she asked if I’d like to join her for dinner with her boss and colleagues – I said I couldn’t because I’d promised to go with my colleagues.. and that was that.
I realise the content of this message is quite vague but any pointers you could give would be fantastic – I’m sure there were other things I could have done but I don’t know if it was also a situation of unfortunate circumstances (lack of time, leaving France the next day, Sunday night etc. etc.)
Thank you!
Theodore
Hey Wayne,
When you speak of going in for the kill when a girl speaks of her cracks in the marble with her relationship, how would you go about that? How does one work logistics? This has been something I can not figure out.
Thanks Yuri, I love Dead Kennedys. Good assignment.
Thanks for the comment Ivan.
I think the move would have been to catch her in the galley and shout, “Were all going to die.” as you drain a 7UP can over your head.
No, just kidding. Nobody out there in Charisma land do that.
The move would have been IMO to catch up with her and find out her relationship situation. “So, I would think it would be difficult being away from people so much. How does your boyfriend handle that?”
If she says she single then you say, “Oh, well do you date customers because I know the best pizza place in the world? It would be fun to go and I can show you my napkin folding into a swan, or a duck, or the Taj Mahal, but that might take your napkin too.”
But if she says she has a boyfriend you say, “I like relationships…. Maybe you will get married one day and have little baby airplane pilots.” Then when she tells you she isn’t sure this is the guy she is going to marry, you go into the pizza thing.
There you go, now that we have reached our cruising altitude, you are free to walk about Charisma Arts. Ding.
Hi Chuck
I am so coming to your laundry to wash my shorts if you got hot girls coming in there all the time.
I like everything that you did. Your laundry game is getting tight. You created a personal vibe and the name exchange came naturally.
You just didn’t realize the next step is to ask a logistical question such as, “What do you have to get done tonight?” That’s a good one because it tells you her time limitation for interacting with you and she is more likely to commit to the moments she can spend with you. So you get her conversing back and then its easier for you to converse. It’s like playing basketball with yourself versus having four teammates.
You control the vibe and intimacy of the conversation but let the topic control itself. It’s like the Force. Just give in damnit Luke. Let the topic find itself. (with obvious exceptions, ie religion, politics, Tom Cruise movies) You are only to work on ‘how’ you present yourself and keeping the conversation personal and visual. Commit to that and you don’t have to worry about the content.
Hey Juggler, thanks for sharing your thoughts, you are a blessed man. I am still trying to “get” the right mood, and I fell I WILL geti it someday. But I am still connected with old concepts that are tighting me in old attitudes (and old results as well) but as soon as I become a bad ass PUA like you I let you know my friend.
* Thanks for the Megadeth tip! You musical assignment is Dead Kennedys – Viva Las Vegas
Hey Wayne,
First off, I’d like to commend you on all the work and writings you have done. You have given me insight on how to be a better conversationalist not only with women but in every interaction I have.
To my question…there appears to be a lot of questions about first time pick-ups, which are great…but I have a different scenario which I don’t know how to handle. I’m in college and I’m the head of a Fraternity on campus, so I’m really well know and when I go to parties, people notice and come to me. So, I already know most people’s names and most people know way more about me than I would expect (it’s strange in a way…lol).
So, there is this girl I have been interested in for the past year, yet I’ve been dating exclusively an older woman (5 years my senior) while this other girl was dating another guy exclusively. I used your “how’s this relationship going?” tactic to have her start opening up about her relationship and she told how she (her name is Pam) wants to break up with her boyfriend but is just waiting for something to convince her…needless to say, Pam has broken up with him since then and I have recently broken up with my girlfriend too (not because of Pam though). Anyway…Pam and I have a class together, so I sit with her most days in class and we have great chats and we laugh a lot…etc. It’s getting to the end of term and I made a bet with her on an exam, if she beat me, I’d have to make her dinner and vice-versa…she agreed to the bet and it’s been an ongoing joke between us. We got the marks back recently and I won
she brought it up and then stated she is extremely busy until the end of term and doesn’t think she’ll be able to do it.
I took this as a huge bad sign. Even though I’d been getting great signs up to date, I’m wondering where I went wimpy on her? Was it sitting with her most days in class? I suspect that when a girl says she is “too busy” for something and doesn’t counter offer, it’s a deal-closer.
i suspect at this point you’re asking, why the hell am I not chasing other women and concentrating so much on her? I am…I am pursuing other girls, which are successful, this is just the one case which I’d love to learn more about for the future.
Thanks Wayne, appreciate your help! I find all this “charisma” and “pick up” stuff great for first time encounters…but people we see on a regular basis is very rarely address, so I hope you might be able to give me some pointers. You’re the best!
Much love,
John
Hey Gee,
About the Toronto bootcamps. Our instructor up there got engaged. I know, I know, what a loser. Just kidding, I wish him all the happiness. But in the meantime we are just without an instructor up there. Sigh* In any case we do bootcamps in our HQ city of Ann Arbor where the women are very impressed by rich Canadians, and its only a four hour drive.
Hey Yuri,
Thanks for the comments. Ah, Brazilian, you are like the coolest race on Earth. Congratulations. How’s your football juggling?
Anyhow, chicks dig humor and I do rely on it.
How to be funny. Well, you could take my Conversation Camp but that might be difficult given your location. Wait, let me ask Rob. “Can we put Angloa on the schedule?” Oh I guess not. *sigh
The other way is to read this post of mine in the forum that describes my sense of humor: http://forum.charismaarts.com/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=7697&p=45225#p45225
Its really about harnessing your imagination and making your rap more visual.
hey wayne howcome there is no more toronto bootcamp??
Hi Pete,
Thanks for writing in. So you find gorgeous bartender girls
alluring? I’m so surprised. Who’d have thunk it?
Instead of commenting exactly on what you did, I’m going to give you my scenario on how I would have liked it to have happened between you and this bartender girl. This is focused on dynamic conversation, limiting questions, more statements and working through her logistics.
By the way, I feel I must write ‘girl’ after ‘bartender’ for some reason so that everyone knows we’re talking about a female here. To my ear, the word ‘Bartender’ just sounds like a fifty year old bald guy who bets on horse racing. Let’s give her a more feminine title. Mmmmm… how about serving wench? That’s it. Ha! Sounds medieval. So let’s see how you should seduce a hot serving wench.
So, you drop into Ye Ole Pub after a long day of fighting Orcs in the village. You’re hot, thirsty and horny for some serving wench action.
So you plop down on the stool, unfasten and let your plate mail clatter to the floor.
The serving wench approaches. Her bossom piling up behind her corset. Her cheeks glow a healthy red.
It’s important that you stay away from the typical customer-clerk route to which she is accustomed. So you break it up.
You: “May I help you?”
Her: “Hey, that’s my line.”
You: “Sorry lass. I’m stealing your mojo today. What I would like is a frothy mug of meade as quick as you can make it along with a big smile.”
She smiles.
You: “See, that’s what I’m talking about.”
She returns with your drink.
You: “So who is in charge here? Who’s the master of the house?”
Its always a good idea to find out who her boss is. It’s good that she know that you know because girls working often will not commit because they are afraid that you will get them in trouble by being inappropriate. But when she knows you know her ‘situation’ she will be able to commit more of herself because she will believe that you understand what is going on and won’t get her in trouble. This allows her to commit more to the interaction. Wheh!
“That would be Spike over there,” she gestures.
“Cool,” you say, “I’ll try not to flirt with you when he’s around.”
“I see how you are. Well what makes you think I’d flirt back?”
“Oh, I didn’t say you’d flirt back. I’m sure you’d be perfectly content to level a crossbow at my chest. Hey you got some customer down at the other end of the bar there. You better go feed the little guy.”
Now, you’re helping her logistics and seeming non-needy. You are pushing her away based on her logistical needs. That’s being a cool, on-needy guy. Do that sort of thing.
She comes back.
“Hey, you came back,” You say all smiles. See you can be nice and warm cause you sent her out. They balance each other.
Now you’re ready to get her story. Ye old pump is primed.
“So, I’m curious about you since I like your vibe. I am wondering what brings a wench out here to serve bloody, ugly men beer and porridge. So how did you end up here tonight?”
“Well, I was working at home, waiting hand and foot on my step sisters when I decided that they were total beeehaches….”
Then you share yourself a bit and yada yada ask her where her boyfriend is.
“Oh, I don’t have a boyfriend anymore. He was eaten by a giant.”
Then you say, “That’s too bad.”
“No worries, I didn’t like him that much anyway.”
“Oh I see, then good show, carry on. I think your sense of humor is sexy. You make me laugh. I can’t remember the last time a wench made me laugh other than that witch we burned last month. She was funny.”
“Ha. Yeah she was.”
“I don’t know if you date customers but I’d like to see you sometime. Take a walk through the apple orchard and then go over to the stocks and throw rocks at the Saxons.”
“That sounds nice. Let me give you my number.”
“Number?”
“I mean my address. Do you have some parchment?”
“Here, just write it on my arm next to my small pox.”
Hey Wayne,
Thank you for your feedback on the above interactions. I’m aware of the JM techinque. But, I just don’t know where to escalate to at times. Here is a situation where I walked into a cafe behind a cute blonde. We were both in the line:
Me: Heeeeeeey… this may sound crazy.. but I’m lost looking at this menu. Do you know what is the best tasting tea here?
Her: I recommend the mint tea.
Me: Thanks… i’l give it a shot. What’s your name.
Her: Melanie.
Me: Nice to meet you Melanie. I’m Gary.
I kind of didn’t know where to take it from here. And at a more lower level, what are a few things to say after i say my name? Just relate on how i like tea? What i like about tea?
What could i have said that would help me in leading the interaction so i can make it believable enough to ask for an instant date? Can you give me a possible next step from here?
Your feedback will be appreciate very much.
-Gary, who is a great approach artist..
I was on a plane and just finished a bootcamp. I always struggled with opening and kino and escalating. The stewardess was a babe. Very smiley and tight body. When she was serving, I ordered and as she turned, I touched her arm and said “Excuse me, you just have the most amazing lips. Very full. Not quite Angelina Jolie, though”
Her: (Laughs) Well, that’s a relief.
She serves me and serves the guy next to me. Some light conversation and a light joke. Then I touch her arm again and order some water. She gets it for me and says “Thanks for the compliment.”
She then goes to serve the rest of the plane.
For the rest of the trip, I plan how I’m going to get her when I think she’s alone and aim to get her number and meet up. It never happened. Why? Because something always got in the way. The other problem was that because I was planning, I missed the opportunity when she walked right past me!
My conclusion: Don’t plan any more than 1 step ahead and take the opportunity the moment it arises. Waste no time.
When she walked past, I should have held eye contact and touched her arm and said “I hope I didn’t embarrass you in front of the passengers with my compliment before.” and then taken it from there.
Kicking myself. She was *very* cute. I feel the need to redeem myself, now.
So, I’m not really asking for advice because I think I know where I went wrong. I just feel a bit deflated. Oh well, onward and upward.
Hey Juggler,
, and there is a huge Brazilian community working here (yes, hot brazilian chicks, but the competition is hard – there is too many guys). There will be another pool party next saturday, you are invited to come, but please don’t pee on the pool again! 
– Cheers
Thanks, I appreciate your work. I am kind of natural, but didn’t have consistency, and did not understand why. I tried M* and others, but your are the best bad ass PUA of all. I see what you mean, but I think my problem is I am not that funny. Is there any way that you can open your mind to be funny like you, a book you recommend, something else?
Regarding the party, it was in Luanda (Angola), but I am from BRAZIL (not russian, there is no Sergei or Sharapova around
Hey Tony,
I like a lot of what you are doing. Obviously you have duplicated my method closely.
My comments are below and within:
You wrote: Me: ”Hey.. you look like a well read person…I got a question for you… .. I’ve been looking at these books and wondering if there is anything good. What is a good book you recommend?”
*** Sounds good so far.***
Her: “I don’t know what kind of books you like?”
Me: “I just read Three Cups of Tea. It’s about this guy who transition from a mountain-climber to a humanitarian committed to reducing poverty and educating girls in Pakistan and Afghanistan. It was very captivating. I was up until 3 in the morning trying to get to the end of it.. believe it or not. So what was the last book you read?”
*** I don’t know if it went down exactly like that but I would like to see you NOT ask a question right after such a good statement. It weakens it. Slow down and try to hook her with your statement. If you don’t then just be okay with a pause there instead of going straight to the next question. A statement is the ultimate open-ended question. ***
Her: “I read A thousand splendid suns.”
Me: “As I was reading the Three Cups of Tea.. i couldn’t help but imagine myself in the story… like I’m running around in the story. I like the final outcome. What did you like about Thousand splendid suns?”
*** This feels a little repetitive here now. Staying on the books too long. I think you missed your tempo for setting up the next escalation to the personal.
I would have liked to see you say something simple such as, “That sounds good. I will try that. Thanks. What’s your name?”
“Sarah.”
“Nice to meet you Sarah. I’m Tony. So who are you shopping with today?”
That is when you could have gotten the logistical situation which would have helped a ton. ***
Okay, back to our regularly scheduled program. Tony continues:
Her: “I liked the style in which the author wrote the book.”
Me: “I get a really good vibe from you. D..a…m…m…i…t. What’s your name?”
*** This is good. I always love the vibe comment but I feel this was just a cycle too late which made you appear as if you had to clutch to the book topic unnecessarily and I think that weakened your presence a bit. ***
Her: “Sarah”
Me: “Nice to meet you sarah. My name is Tony. High Five!”
Her: “Laughing”
*** Yeah, I know she laughs but I’m not a big fan of the high five with women. Maybe its just a Wayne thing but I like to make physical contact with more anticipation from her. Try my innovation: the slow high five. ***
Me: “I’ve an intuition about you…You totally have a new york vibe”
Her: “No.. I’m not from NY. I was born and raised here.. “
*** that is fine conversation but you just missed the asking about who she was shopping with. You got to get that out because she’s with her boyfriend or somebody who knows her boyfriend. That is why she ended up bailing on you. That or she was a devout religious zealot and you look like the anti-christ. ****
Me: “Well.. I’m actually from SF myself. I like it here. I find this city very social and can’t imagine living anywhere else. I came here on a two week project and ended up staying here for good.”
What are you doing for the next 5 minutes?”
**** Change this to fifteen minutes. Five minutes makes it sound like you need her to help change a tire. Also add here what you want to do with her. “What are you doing for the next 15 minutes? Because I think it would be fun to sit down at the coffee shop downstairs and get to know each other a little.”
However in the big picture is she committing to the interaction? I don’t think so. I want to see women respond more to your statements. That means much more than if they respond to your questions. I think that she is feeling pushed too much and there is also the logistics to deal with more thoroughly.
Good luck Tony. Your music is Eric Clapton.
Hi Yuri,
Where was this pool party exactly and why was I not invited? Okay, I peed in a pool once when I was twelve. Am I ever going to live that down?
Anyhow,
You said: “Hey, what was your best vacation?”
I’m not feeling that question. It takes her too much into the past. She has to remember that great trip with Sergei, the junior league hockey coach and your competition for her affection.
I like a slightly different dialogue that keeps her in the present moment with you. You could say, “I know, lets pretend we’re in the Caribean and relaxing on our boat. What would you like to drink?”
Her: “Uh, a Pina Colada please.”
Then you clap your hands at some random dude (who does not look tough) and say to him, “Cabanna boy. Jack and Coke, and a Pina Colada.”
The guy looks at you like WTF.
You clap your hands. “Mush mush,” you say.
Still WTF.
“Forget about it,” you say to him and turn back to her.
“It works so well in the movies,” you say to her.
She better be laughing and enjoying your donut custard by then. You say, “I like your laugh. What’s your phone number? I mean your name. What’s your name?”
Okay, the other girl arrives and says, “Hey, what are you talking about?”
You say, “Its top secret.”
Also, just a minor tip. Don’t ask someone’s ‘best’ on anything if you want a response. Change it to, “What is one of your favorite…?” As in ‘what is your favorite movie, drug, position, etc.’ You are four times more likely to get an answer that way since they don’t have to make a huge judgment on deciding their absolute top thing.
You wrote: YURI: No I am just asking this because I like people who enjoys life and are passionate… bla bla bla.. (I lost my concentration Juggler… totally screwed up here, I didn’t know what to say)
Well, next time don’t ask so many questions obviously. I think you realize that. But if someone does accuse you of interrogating them don’t excuse it. Instead say, “Yes, but that’s my job. I’m the Boob inspector.” No, just kidding, don’t say that. Well, unless everyone is really drunk, then say it followed by pulling out your penis and shouting, “Welcome to Thunder Dome.”
Good luck and rock on Yuri! Your musical assignment is MegaDeath.
This thread is so helpful! Thanks a ton for making it.
I was doing laundry in my dorm and a cute girl tries to get in with her key.. gets stuck and knocks.
Me: (opening the door) This door always gives me trouble.
Her: (laughs) I’m like… mentally retarded.
Me: Laundry does that to people for some reason. Last time i did laundry I accidentally washed my ID card… good thing you showed up this time so you can make sure i don’t catch the place on fire or something.
Her: (laughs) I’ll keep an eye open.
Me: I like your laugh. What’s your name?
Her: mary
me: Nice to meet you mary, I’m chuck.
Her: Nice to meet you too.
At this point I stalled and couldnt think of anything else to say, and i ended up saying goodbye and leaving after doing my laundry, scratching my head on the way out.
Where could I have taken the conversation? I guess I needed to engage her more and make her commit to the interaction, but I’m at a loss as to how to do that… my mind always blanks a few seconds into the conversation.
I was at a loud nightclub a few months back. The type with the gigantic dance floor, Top 40/trance music, and light show.
There was this gorgeous bartender working at the bar that served iced beer (think the type that gets hired to work there and look hot so guys will have even more incentive to go and spend more money on beer). I remember this interaction quite well because people say that bartenders get hit on a lot so that time I wanted to try, but from what I’ve witnessed maybe only 1 out of 30 people that order drinks from them actually do (I think they don’t get hit on as much as we’re led to think). But that thought, and the noise still made it an obstacle for me (my voice doesn’t carry). It’s like you’re fighting anxiety, time constraints, and noise.
I go up and ask her loudly (with an empty glass of coke + rum in my hand): “Hey, where do I put this?!”
She replies with, “You can leave it here, but make sure to come back so I don’t get lonely.”
So I reply, “It’s a shame you’re the prettiest girl here but you can’t dance with me!” She doesn’t hear me so I have to move right next to her and yell it right into her ear. Then she replies, “Oh, that’s so sweet!”
Then I say, “1 dance, on the bar?” (She’s standing on top of a platform with a bar in front of her so I’m referring to the platform not the actual bar which would have drawn a lot of attention).
Before she can reply some people come up and order drinks, so I wait like 15 seconds and go back to my friends. I see an opening a few seconds later, come back to talk but more people come up, and I walk back to talk to my friends who are watching this whole thing happen with amused looks on their face. Then I go back, wait another 20-30 seconds until nobody is ordering drinks from her anymore and I say,
“1 dance?”
She replies, “Maybe. I have to feel like it.”
And from here I didn’t really know how to reply so all I said was, “Come on.” Then she says with a cocky smile and head shake, “No.” Ouch…heartbreak.
I tend to find that the girl working at the bar at trendy nightclubs will typically be among the Top 3 most attractive girls in the venue (they’re physically good looking, confident, serve alcohol, can dance. What more could a guy ask for?)
So what went wrong with my interaction with her? How do I get a dance with one of those hottie bartenders?
Hey Wayne,
Thank you for this thread. Appreciate it very much. Here is how most of interactions go.. and then they bomb. I’m having a lot of trouble getting to the instant date. My vibe is relaxed, loud and I rarely suffer with anxiety. Here is a recent interaction at the bookstore.
Me: ”Hey.. you look like a well read person…I got a question for you… .. I’ve been looking at these books and wondering if there is anything good. What is a good book you recommend?”
Her: “I don’t know what kind of books you like.”
Me: “I just read Three Cups of Tea. It’s about this guy who transition from a mountain-climber to a humanitarian committed to reducing poverty and educating girls in Pakistan and Afghanistan. It was very captivating. I was up until 3 in the morning trying to get to the end of it.. believe it or not. So what was the last book you read?”
Her: “I read A thousand splendid suns.”
Me: “As I was reading the Three Cups of Tea.. i couldn’t help but imagine myself in the story… like I’m running around in the story. I like the final outcome. What did you like about Thousand splendid suns?”
Her: “I liked the style in which the author wrote the book.”
Me: “I get a really good vibe from you. D..a…m…m…i…t. What’s your name?”
Her: “Sarah”
Me: “Nice to meet you sarah. My name is Tony. High Five!”
Her: “Laughing”
Me: “I’ve an intuition about you…You totally have a new york vibe”
Her: “No.. I’m not from NY. I was born and raised here.. “
Me: “Well.. I’m actually from SF myself. I like it here. I find this city very social and can’t imagine living anywhere else. I came here on a two week project and ended up staying here for good.”
What are you doing for the next 5 minutes?”
Her: “Checking out at the cashier.. I guess.”
Me: “One of the things I like girls is girls that make me laugh. And you made me laugh. There is a coffee shop over there. I’d like to sit down with you for 5 minutes with a cup of tea and make you laugh for a change. I will practice my jokes on you. All three of them.”
Her: “Thanks for the offer… but I have to go. it was nice meeting you.”
When she made the last statement, she was not really into me. And she left. This happens to me all the time. A little frustrated. Please help.
Tony
Hi Bob,
Thanks for writing in. The problem with the conversation you describe is mostly that it is just boring. True maybe, but boring. Don’t feel bad. Most stranger meeting stranger conversations are snoozers.
How to make it more interesting? The element you need is Surprise. Right under Oxygen and Nitrogen on the Periodic Table of elements needed to sustain life on Earth is Surprise. That can come in many ways. Try exaggerating your feelings.
You say: “Good. I finally got out of the house. I’ve been really busy with school work and just glad to be clubbing.”
That statement is true (which is good) but lifeless. You got to give her something unexpected. Shake that snowglobe up.
Try: “I’m doing good. I’m thinking about quiting law school in order to devote myself full time to clubbing. See, this is fun, you, me, the kids on X. Good times.”
She will laugh and then you will say, “Hey I like your laugh. Sexy laugh. I’m jealous. My laugh is not even funny. What’s your name?”
“I’m Joan.”
“Nice to meet you Joan. My name is Bob which is Yiddish for he who conquers all night clubs. Seriously though, who are you here with?”
“My friends over there?”
“Oh, cool, let’s go talk to them. Just pretend I’m your cousin from America.”
Hey
I was at a pool party and there was this hot brunette…
YURI: Hey, I know a girl exactly like you, when I see her again, I will take her phone number, and perhaps you can call her and send to your boring meetings at work and says she is you.
HER: (laughing) – Yes! Really?
YURI: Hey, what was your best vacation?
HER: I dont know..
(Suddenly another girl arrives, kind of drunk…)
THE OTHER: Hey, what are you talking about?
YURI: About her best vacation… she is thinking where it was…
THE OTHER: This is an interrogatory?
YURI: No I am just asking this because I like people who enjoys life and are passionate… bla bla bla.. (I lost my concentration Juggler… totally screwed up here, I didn’t know what to say)
HER: Excuse me (and went away and let me alone with the other girl)
YURI (to the other girl): Excuse me
THE OTHER: OK, bye
What the hell is wrong with me Juggler?
Conversation in a nightclub.
Bob: Hi
Her: Hi
Bob: You look like you’re having fun. How are you today?
Her: Good, how are you?
Bob: Good. I finally got out of the house. I have been really busy with school work and just glad to be clubbing.
Her: What are you studying?
Bob: I am studying Law. It is really hard work but lots of fun at times as well. What do you do?
Her: I am studying blablabla.
Bob: Where are you from…
How do I get out of this boring conversation?
Wayne wrote: ‘Hey, you guys should form a designer label together: Clothes by Fred and Barry. I would wear that.’
I’ll start working on the pink shirts immediately.
Hey Improviser.
I liked your opening. You used a preamble. Nice and slow, I hope, so she can absorb your cool *ss vibe.
The only problem you had there was in missing your escalation window to the Personal and staying on shampoo too long.
After she said, “Well.. I use this one.. it is pretty good.”
You should immediatly smile big and say, “Hey thanks. I appreciate that. What’s your name?”
“I’m Clare,” she says.
“Cool. I’m Improviser. I know it’s an Odd name. My parents were jokesters. So this may seem like a little sudden but I get a great vibe from you. Are you single, married, sworn off of men, because I would love to sit down at the coffee shop next door for a cup of coffee for five minutes.”
“Um, that is sudden. Actually, I have a boyfriend.”
“Of course. Too bad because it would be fun to just get to know each other better for a bit and I can try to make you laugh.”
“You know, yeah, I can do that. Just let me check out and take these to my car.”
“Cool. You may want to get the bag boy’s help. He may be mentally handicapped but he is a suave one.”
Then when you get her sitting down for coffee she’ll tell you how her relationship is not perfect and then you can move in for the kill. It’s like the lions and hyenas on the African plain. You got to be willing to pounce fast or you go hungry. Grrrr…
Yeah, supermarket game has to be done fast. People just will not stand around talking about produce very long.
Hi Wayne,
This is very helpful. Thank you very much. This is how my interaction with a woman went at the store in the shampoo isle. Please tell me where I messed up.
I walked up straight.
Me: “Heeeeyyy…You look interesting…. I’ve got a question for you….. This may sound wild … and crazy…. but here it is. What is a good shampoo?”
Her: “Well.. I use this one.. it is pretty good.”
Me: “There are so many to choose from here.. I’m a little overwhelmed.”
Her: “Yeah.”
Me: Lets see… hmm.. this one’s got a cool scent.
Her: yeah..
I stalled at this point.. didn’t know what to say. I could sense she was a little bit nervous.
Me: “Ok… cool. Thanks.”
What could I have said here to move the interaction forward Wayne?
Thank you,
Improviser
Great comments guys.
Thanks for the props Barry and Fred. Hey, you guys should form and designer label together: Clothes by Fred and Barry. I would wear that.
I think the next talk in London will probably be in December. We’re still working on nailing the logistics. Yeah Fred, we should do a Charisma Club version. For sure
Hey Wayne, thanks for doing this. I find this along with the online dating profile rewrites in the forum to be an excellent way for me to get what you teaching. If I see what is “bad” or not as good as it could be first, and then have it improved with a discussion on why the improvement made it better, it makes it easier for me to understand what I’m supposed to do with my conversations to improve them myself.
I think that it goes back to contrast as you were talking about at conversation camp. If I only see what is good, it makes it hard for me to distinguish between good and bad conversation. And with the organic nature of the people writing in, I think a much broader range of conversational/charismatic blunders can be covered. I hope you’ll spend more time in the future doing these kind of posts, maybe as a charisma club feature?
Ps. When’s your next talk in London?
Thanks a lot Wayne. That’s exactly what I was looking for. I think I’m really starting to see the potential value of a conversation camp.
Hey Barry,
I think your conversation suggestions are not bad at all but could be a little better:
You wrote:
“Heeey, those boots you’re wearing…I’ve noticed a lot of girls with them and I find there‘s something really sexy about them, but I also think they look really comfortable. I was just thinking the other day that I’d actually really like a pair, but I think I might get beaten up.”
I’d end at “…I’d actually really like a pair.” and not mention getting beaten up. Then I’d take a read of her reaction and stay in statement mode until she was primed to give a response.
You wrote: ‘I would change “you look like a schoolteacher“ to a positive presumption and maybe include a preamble: “Say,… I have an intuition about you. You teach children how to be the future leaders of the world.” Again, this seems maybe a bit try-hard to me, but “You teach children“ seems to short or boring.’
Yeah, it’s a little try hard and I think its a bit typical. I would mix it up and try something such as, “I have an intuition about you. You are a school teacher.” That is a fine place to pause because her curiosity is going to be peaked.
She will ask, “Why do you think I’m a teacher?”
Then you can hit her with, “Your hands. They look as if they are used to beating the little devils.”
You wrote: ‘When she says “I’m a writer. You look like a writer too.” I would try to avoid disagreeing, because it kills the flow, so start with “Well,..” and then try to make it true somehow: “I write ideas and thoughts in my notepad all day at work while I’m supposed to be looking out for bad guys. I’m trying to come up with an idea for a Phd in psychology.”
I agree that does kill the flow. Your dialogue is not bad there. It could be a bit more relatable but nothing is perfect. I would probably just say, “I love writers and I find people who write share a certain type of creative intelligence that I find quite groovy.”
You wrote: ‘Ryan, I think I can understand why you said “I’d love to read your crap”. I think that if you said “I’d love to read your writing” that would come across as unbelievable and too sensitive, so maybe you changed it to “crap“ to try to compensate for that. Instead, I would change the “I’d love” part to “I’d be interested in reading your writing some time”, and leave it at that.
My take on this was that he was tying to be cocky and funny but who knows.
Hi Will.
Great question. You have a wonderful job. I would recommend you talk about what you love about the job. Then if she sounds impressed you can disqualify.
Her: “How was your weekend?”
You: “It was good. I worked in the studio tweaking a song I wrote with some musicians.”
Her: “Wow.”
You: “It’s not as glamorous as it sounds. There’s actually a lot of farting in small spaces.”
Another strategy is to bring her into it. This is fun and should be done before she has time to react to your cool job.
Her: “What do you do for a living?”
You: “I write songs. I might write one about you one day. It will go something like this…la la la I met a girl named… what’s your name? …Cindy who was tall and lanky and wanted to be fun and spank me. lalalala”
I have a similar problem of course since I travel so much to what some people consider exotic locales. So I just make them part of it.
Her: “What do you do?”
Me: “I travel from country to country to talk in front of groups of people. Matter of fact I could use an assistant. You might be good. See all you have to do is stand up right now and talk to all those people.”
Her: “What do I talk about?”
Me: “Talk about what its like to be a woman. That you want to have babies and a vegetable garden.”
Her: “Ha. I don’t have a green thumb.”
Me: “This suddenly seems like an old TV show I used to watch. Farm living is the life for me. Keep Manhattan just give me the country side. lalalalalala Okay, have it your way, talk about death.”
Me: “I am so giving you a noogie. You better run….”
PS. I wouldn’t mention the famous musicians unless she asked. You’re not impressed by them. You’re an artist.
Hey ME.
Good to hear from you. About this girl who you want to make more than a friend.
First off you have to be prepared to lose her as a friend. I presume you are willing to take that chance so the next thing is to make is sexual.
Wear some clothes she hasn’t seen you in before. Get a hair cut. Change your cologne. You are wearing cologne right?
Anyway, showing her a new side of you in every way is going to help her see the new sexy side of you.
Get her alone and do something fun with her then tell her you find something she does sexy. Check out her reaction but don’t make this a question and do not make it a big thing. If it get heavy you lose.
Also, do not use the terms ‘love’ or ‘girlfriend’. If it gets heavy and relationshipee before it gets sexy you are finished, and I will kill myself and come haunt you. You must have sexual tension before any sort of relationship develops. There is a certain art to telling a women you find her actions sexy without it sounding like a big thing. Good luck.
Also you have to articulate why you find her action sexy to you. Don’t say that she IS sexy. The SOI is really about you and what you find attractive.
Hi Ryan,
So the grocery store… Good place to meet attractive women. Everybody has to eat. Even those skinny models have to come in for carrot juice once in awhile.
I like that you opened on the first thing you saw. That got you going. I would like to see more of a preamble though.
I think you realize your big mistakes. Too many questions. Not enough statements and of course the ‘crap’ comment was a definite wrong note.
You also asked a personal question about her being a teacher. This would have gone much smoother if you would have first made a clear personal escalation.
Also, I’d like the questions you ask to be telegraphed a little more so she can see them coming. That way she can prepare better responses which will in turn make it easier for you to riff off of her statements and make your job easier to continue the conversation. As it was, you just surprised her over and over and she could only give you limited responses which forced you to ask more questions.
Here is an example of how I would have liked it to have gone:
You: “Hey, I like your boots… I got to ask about them. What are they called?”
Her: “They’re Ugs. They’re from Sweden originally.”
You: “Hey, I’ve heard of them. They look good on you and I would bet that they are comfortable to push a shopping cart in. Which if you ask me being comfortable is more important than anything.” (that gives her time to think about how comfortable her boots are and leading to her being able to give you a good response)
Her: “Yeah they are really comfortable. You should try a pair. They do make guys versions.”
You: “Yeah, I just might do that. (big smile) Thanks for the recommendation. What’s your name?”
Her: “I’m Jessica.”
You: “Nice to meet you Jessica. I’m Ryan. So what are you doing after this?”
Her: (laughing) “I’m going to pick up my daughter after school.”
You: “Oh, too bad. I’d love to sit down with you for five minutes at the coffee shop next door and chat some more.”
Her: “I have time for that. Why not?”
I am a musician and often spend hours and hours in the studio.
Sometimes there are impressive and famous musicians recording my songs.
I was talking to a girl who asked, “How was your weekend?”
I sometimes respond to such a question, making a joke out of it, like “I have been working in a coal mine, like a slave puppy” or some such thing. There ARE a lot of boring hours, but there are also moments of zen bliss, and so much creative fulfillment.
What would be a better response to such a simple question?
or “What do you do for a living?”
The truth is, it is exciting being a rockstar and writing songs that people like to sing along to. But how do I elicit genuine interest, or trigger attraction and sparks, without sounding braggy?
How would you respond to both of these questions to maximize the potency, and at the same time, make myself more relatable and accessible?
WP
Hey Wayne,
I really think this is a great idea and I’m really enjoying reading your answers. I always like reading the conversations you write because they strike me as good “cool” conversations and things to say, but I find that when I try to emulate that and make up my own conversations they don’t come out as good: I find they’re usually either too boring or too wack. I think that trying to create some good ones on paper is great exercise for my imagination, because I have time and space to think and relax, so it‘s a real test of my conversation skills.
So, rather than giving me ideas for one of my interactions, I was wondering if you’d critique my suggestions for Ryan’s interaction. Kill two charisma arts cats with one stone like. (Sorry Ryan)
In Ryan’s convo I‘d start with a preamble and then try to make engaging “I” statements and justify my interest in liking the boots: “Heeey, those boots you’re wearing…I’ve noticed a lot of girls with them and I find there‘s something really sexy about them, but I also think they look really comfortable. I was just thinking the other day that I’d actually really like a pair, but I think I might get beaten up.” I know that’s not an SOI but it is true.
The thing is, I can just picture her looking at me and not relating, or thinking “What is this guy on?”. (The really scary thing is I actually was thinking I’d like a pair the other day)
I wouldn’t ask what the shoes are called, unless I had somewhere to go with it, because it’s a closed ended question.
I would change “you look like a schoolteacher“ to a positive presumption and maybe include a preamble: “Say,… I have an intuition about you. You teach children how to be the future leaders of the world.” Again, this seems maybe a bit try-hard to me, but “You teach children“ seems to short or boring.
When she says “I’m a writer. You look like a writer too.” I would try to avoid disagreeing, because it kills the flow, so start with “Well,..” and then try to make it true somehow: “I write ideas and thoughts in my notepad all day at work while I’m supposed to be looking out for bad guys. I’m trying to come up with an idea for a Phd in psychology.” Perhaps this is too factual, but I’m trying to avoid too many jokes
Ryan, I think I can understand why you said “I’d love to read your crap”. I think that if you said “I’d love to read your writing” that would come across as unbelievable and too sensitive, so maybe you changed it to “crap“ to try to compensate for that. Instead, I would change the “I’d love” part to “I’d be interested in reading your writing some time”, and leave it at that.
For me it’s about trying to find the balance between boring and wacko, Jacko.
So there’s this girl with me in my dorm who I’ve known for a while now. The thing is, I didn’t fall in the friends zone because I didn’t want to, I actually wanted to be just friends with her. At first I thought she was going to be a bitch, but she turned out to be alright.
Anyway, after some time we became closer as friends, and i really started liking her since like two weeks ago. It’s been bothering me for a while since I’m going through exactly what I didn’t want to happen to me after coming to the USA, and I’ve been thinking about it way too much. And I call this situation weird because I developed feelings after two months, not after the initial meeting(s).
Anyway just another thing, there was another guy in the dorm who had a crush on her a while ago, I didn’t really care because I wasn’t interested at the time, but it basically ended up in them not talking to each other because I guess he told her how he felt.
We share lots of things in common, we both love dancing and we both do the same goofy things, also when we’re walking in the street it’s basically non stop laughter at anything.
How do I create chemistry now? I never thought I would like her so I never tried to create it, and now that I actually like her I’m not sure what to do. I want to SOI, I just think right now it would be useless since she views me as a friend. So I’d basically like create some attraction then escalate because I think it would be weird now, anyway tell me what you think.
I posted this in the forums and got some responses but I’d like to get a response from the master himself. And they said I wasn’t clear about what I wanted. What I want is a relationship.
thanks in advance.
I passed a girl in the aisle of the grocery store.
I had no idea what to say, so i just walked right up to her and
started talking about the first thing I saw… her boots…
I said it as I was passing her, kept walking past, then stopped and got closer and closer to her as the conversation went on…
me: “nice boots… what are they called?”
her: “they’re ugs.”
me: “ugs? why are they called that?”
her: “I don’t know. blah blah blah”
me: “you look like a school teacher.”
her: “no. I’m not.” [not offering any more info]
me: “hmm… what do you do?”
her: “I’m a writer. You look like a writer, too.”
I talked a little more, but I got too “interviewee” with her and kept asking questions… and trying to be funny, I said, “I’d love to read your crap. How can I? Are you published or online anywhere?”
her: “crap?” and she walked away, like she was in a hurry.
I instantly realized several mistakes I made.
- didn’t use ANY i-statements (I just love the feeling of being lost in space, creating a whole new world in my head, and feeling so free and dreamy when I am writing…”
or
“oh no, we are too much alike. I don’t think we would ever get along [talk about our future bad relationship]
or
drop an SOI
“wow, not only do you have a cool vibe/good style, you are a writer…. I find that very sexy about you…
What could I have done to lead the conversation more quickly to draw her in? or get her more invested?
Benoit,
My friend. I did a little research on Madame Beauvoir. The book, ‘She Came to Stay’ is not her feminist book but her sex book. It’s almost autobiographical and focuses on a love triangle which ends in a ménage à trois. In real life Beauvoir was Jean Paul Sartre’s wingwoman and confidant. The two spent their nights seducing young women. They were the original pick up artists. Too bad you didn’t realize that at the moment. This girl was probably turned on right then reading it all. Don’t feel bad, I certainly didn’t know it either until I Googled it just now. But in any case if either of us ever find ourselves again next to a girl reading Beauvoir we will be prepared.
In any case. You’re a curious cat. Stop asking so many questions. I think I mentioned it before to you as we were drinking wine at the hotel in London. (seems like yesterday) Work on making your statements better. A statement is like the ultimate open-ended question cause she doesn’t even have to respond at all so her freedom makes her commitment more valuable.
I have taken some of the questions you have asked and re-wrote them as statements or better questions. ENJOY.
“This is kind of your reserved chair, right?” = “I like that this is your reserved chair. I feel this is your place there and my place here in the pool. Maybe one day you will join me.”
“Hey, I have an intuition about you. I bet you come here to relax and listen to the soothing sound of the waves.” = that one is actually not have bad. Just don’t ask it like a question with a big pause and grin. I would add to it, “Either that or you are practicing to be a lifeguard. Maybe I’m drown and you’ll come save me.”
“So what other romantic things do you do?” = This seems to almost be a logistical question of the equilvant of ‘what do you do for fun’, but its not since its way too soon. I also think you made the question that she comes to the pool in a romantic way but she didn’t say that so you are either completely joking in which case you shouldn’t expect a response or you are trying to build something upon a commitment that she didn’t really give but rather you put in her mouth. Either way I would replace with something else entirely. “So I like reading many different books myself. I am widely read. I like that about myself. So how about you, what type of books do you like to read when you are able to read for the pure enjoyment?”
That is a better question. It’s grounded in your interest and she can see it coming from a mile away. That means she can prepare for it and you will get a better answer. You can use questions but they have to be given when the person is ready and able and can see it coming.
“So are you reading that book for your classes?” = Do you really care about the answer to this or are you just pushing the conversation with a question there? I say reset and make a statement. Make good statements and natural questions will come out that make sense.
“Cool, so what’s the book about?” = This isn’t a bad question but it would be better if she can see it coming better. Such as: “Hey that does look like an interesting book. I see you have read about half so you must know what its about by now. I think she is a philosopher but you seem engrossed by that and I can’t imagine philosophy being that interesting so it must be something else. So I have to ask, what’s the book about if you don’t mind telling me?”
That way she has time to see the question coming and you prep her to give you a better answer. He commitment will be increased and you will be able to get an answer to justify saying, “Hey, I like the way you think. I’d like to sit down for coffee with you around the corner and get to know you better after I dry off and get my French on.”
Rule of thumb, don’t ask a question until your listener is ready and eager to answer.
Hey this is fun. Good responses so far. Exactly the type of stuff I was looking for on this.
Captain Calibration,
I like that you seem to have some playful energy going on. What I’d like to see is your statements being a bit more engaging. You can do that by using the ‘you’ statement. (not question) And making the whole statement longer and slower.
For instance you could have said something such as: “Every time I stand at the bar I always seemed to get pushed out. I bet though that you don’t have that problem. Just flash a smile and wink and there you go. I got to try that. Maybe you could teach me.”
When she said “When people come to my house I let them sit on the arm rest:” I think that is a good point for you to say, “I like that about you. What’s your name?”
Once you exchange names it becomes a lot harder to blow you off.
Then you should ask where her boyfriend is. That will surprise them and give you a read on the situation. If she says she is single then you hit on her with, “Yeah, my favorite type of girl.” and touch her arm. Then turn towards the other and say, “How about you? What’s your situation?”
Now, if at any time you sense like you are about to get the, ‘Were have a conversation.’ get out first with, “Hey I see you two are talking. I’ll come by later.” Leave and then come by later.
But hopefully if you are more engaging and a bit more fun they won’t be giving you that response.
I think that this comment: “I like this music, but I would prefer it if they had some songs I could sing along to so I can brush up on my karioke voice.” probably seemed a little random and not that engaging.
Try rewording it with some ‘you’ statements (not questions) bracketed by ‘I’ statements to make it more fun and engaging:
Something like: “I don’t know what type of music YOU like, but we need to get some karaoke up in here. I’m guessing you could sing some Barbara and I can do some Usher. I may not look like it but I’m black inside.”
Then when they laugh. You say. “I like you two. Should I go or should I stay for a minute, sit down, have a drink, have fun, make fun of people who wear suspenders with their shorts?”
Notice how long that goes on. That gives them plenty of time to imagine you hanging out with them and such, before you let them respond. This is good. People will default to ‘no’ if they don’t have time to compose their response. Give them lots of time and let them imagine being with you.
Rock on Captain!
Big open space sports club, I’m in the (rather large) swimming pool, and I see that young, American High School cheerleader type blond again, that I had approached here many weeks ago. She had walked in the pool area while I was swimming and laid down at the far end on one of the deck chairs, reading.
She looked gorgeous in her tiny bikini.
I thought, gee, this is going to be a tough approach
There was a lot of noise from the water.
I paused at her end of the pool, leaning with my arms on the ground:
- “Hey, I have an intuition about you. I bet you come here to relax and listen to the soothing sound of the waves.”
I couldn’t hear what exactly she responded, but she was smiling and it was on a positive mood.
- So is that like your little sea shore substitute?
Then just when I was getting out of the pool, I noticed she had come into the water, on the same lane that I was on. I looked at her while walking out, and waved at her from across the pool. She waved back nicely
…
A few weeks later, I’m in the pool again, and I see her through the glass wall of the pool area, I can see her jogging on one of the machines. She has a fancy pair of softly flowing pants on, and her curves are showing nicely through them, it’s gorgeous
And then, sure enough, she walks into the pool area, lays on a deck chair. As soon as I am at her end of the lap (the equivalent of the 3seconds rule when in water…), I open conversation: – “Hey, come to listen to the waves again?”
She grins and nods. – “This is kind of your reserved chair, right.” She smiles a bit.
It’s hell of a lot difficult from this position within the pool to address her.
So I continue my laps. Some time later I stop and address her again with a statement about the romantic setting, the waves, the palm tree. Then:
- So what other romantic things do you do?
- Ich mache mein Abi nach (she is taking classes to get her high school diploma.)
Oops, I’m not sure she could hear me well
- So are you reading that book for your classes?
- Yes, I’m preparing a presentation on it.
- Cool, so what’s the book about?
- Simone de Beauvoir. ‘She came to stay’. [L'invitée] But I don’t know how to pronounce the author’s name in French.
I remember at this point I was really stunned. This little girl didn’t look at all like she was into that kind of stuff. I remember this really made my mind go off in a totally different direction, I started thinking about de Beauvoir and Sartre and all…. Arghhh… Not a particularly sexy train of thought. I didn’t want to tell her I studied philosophy. Somehow, from here on I felt like I was fumbling:
- I’m half French.
- Really?
- Yes, but I have never read Simone de Beauvoir.
She’s been getting up during the conversation, sits on the border and prepares to glide into the other lane.
- Something about de Beauvoir as feminist. Argh.
I realize I ask too many questions. I just don’t know how to continue at this point, I’m in the water, she is preparing to jump in, and I’m starting to get really cold… so I only manage to say:
- I’m getting cold.
I swim back and get out.
I was at a moderately loud lounge bar and I was standing at the bar which was crowded. Right across from me were two attractive gals talking and one was sitting on the arm rest of a couch that was right next to the bar.
I move away from the crowded Bar towards them and open with.
Me: “Everytime I stand at the bar I always seemed to get displaced further out. Its hard to hold my fort here!”
Gal 1: “Well people need to get their drinks (in a humorous tone)!”
Me: Looking at gal 1 sitting on the arm rest. “If someone was at my house I would fine them for sitting on the arm rest, but out here i think they just don’t care”
Girl 1: Smiling a bit “When people come to my house I let them sit on the arm rest:” She shruggs.
Me: Looking at both girls “I like this music, but I would prefer it if they had some songs I could sing along to so I can brush up on my karioke voice.” (The music was jazz at the place).
Girl 2: “Yea not here” (Shrugging her shoulders).
Girl 2: “Hey we’re trying to have a conversation here, we haven’t seen each other in awhile” .
Me: Giving them the whatever look. I just turn away.
I am thinking I had a good start. I came in with a lot of energy and vibe. They just didn’t seem to be commiting much to my convo.
Its not my typical interaction, but this sort of thing happens once in awhile and I always look for tips to sharpen up.
Thanks Wayne.
Hi Betterthenextday,
Good scenario. Thanks for sharing that. It sounds as if you did well overall and I know you are looking for ways to deal with the new friend situation but I want to move it back towards the beginning first.
I am so glad you included this dialogue. I don’t know if it’s exactly what you said but if so I think you could ask fewer questions. This would be better because if she responds to a statement that is a bigger commitment from her.
You said: “Hey! Can I charge my iPod here? It’s kinda dying right now.”
I would rephrase it to something like: “So here’s the thing. I don’t know if you have ever had an IPod run out on you in a pinch but I just must listen to my Ruben Studdard music but the battery is kuputz. I mean dead, out of luck, done like John MCain, over and finished….”
Somewhere in there she is going to laugh and respond back with something like, “I wish I could help you.”
And then you are going to say, “Oh, well, its the thought that counts. Thanks, I like you. What’s your name?”
That is a personal escalation so you can ask that
Now, the interaction can be more fun and rolling with more statements.
When the interaction has so lots of questions, it gets slowed down as you or her have to stop and think of your answer. Keep it fast paced. This ironically will give you more time to think since you will stay more on track and not be surprised or be surprising people with sudden question shifts. Hope that makes sense.
I like what you did with the photography and I think she sounded into you. I think as soon as she says she is single you go right for the number close. (You could still instant date later too)
Now, as to the new girl (her friend) coming into the environment. I think of course you try to make her laugh and charm her but then as soon as she left I think you should bring up your girls single status again: “So, your single. Hard to believe. What a coincidence. I’m single to. I would love to get together with you and go take some pictures and have a late lunch.”
I treat her saying she is ‘single’ as a huge escalation opportunity.
Well, hopefully that gives you some ideas to think about. Or maybe it just makes no sense and I will have to show you one day. I love mall/airport game.
All the best,
Wayne
I was at the airport with a 5 hour wait time till’ my flight and thought I could get some practice in while I’m out of my home area. I saw this one cutie working in an electronic/dvd store, walked in and asked her about a problem that I actually had:
Me: Hey! Can I charge my iPod here? It’s kinda dying right now.
Her: Ohhh, I’m sorry, I’m not allowed to charge other people’s devices here. I get that a lot.
I totally forgot what I did after that, but somehow we were talking about where we lived, and then I asked the question, “So, when I meet a new perosn, I like to ask this question: what are you passionate about?”
Her: Photography
Me: What about photography?
She goes about how she loves to photograph gutters. Yes, gutters, I ask her why, and she tells me in details about her unique perspective-and I liked it, and told her about it, in a messy way:
Me: -big grin- I love how you’re so into what your talking about, I think your sexy.
Her: -lights up like an overdone Tim Taylor Christmas tree at night-
And after the SOI I started talking about logistics, she’s single, and she lived 15min away. At this point I had about 3 hours and a half till’ my flight and learned she had to close shop in an hour. Since she lived kind of near by I was thinking something could happen between my flight and her getting off
But then a customer came in, she tended to him-for what seemed like a long time. I started looking at DVD’s in the mean time. And that’s when I really kind of lost it. I wasn’t sure what to do next. She reopened me with a, “OH, that’s a great movie.” and all i remember doing is talking about things-movie’s and music. Then her friend came by a bit after and I started becoming more distant by watching trailers of DVD’s /w headphones. And eventually, I ejected with her saying “bye” that seemed she was lonely and longing for something more.
I was happy I had the interaction initially but hated how I perfomed after customers came and escalating further after the SOI.
What are some things I could do next time Wayne?
P.S. I didn’t kino at all for this one, I was too afraid then.