Yesterday during my run I ran though the cemetery. I love cemeteries. Looking at the headstones, reading the names and dates. My favorite headstones are the ones with two names chiseled on them, a husband and wife. He’s dead but she’s still living. Her date of birth is the only date under her name. Sometimes she’s outlived him by twenty or thirty years already. Kinda sad, but kinda beautiful too.

You’re probably wondering what all this has to do with meeting women. Well, it has a lot to do with meeting women, or men or whomever you want to meet.

Let’s face it, internet-dating is competitive, and full of unattractive and sketchy people. You could meet someone at work, but unless you tend bar, that number is limited. To meet someone, I recommend just walking up and speaking to attractive strangers. And that, my friends, takes guts. The guts to face possible rejection and humiliating experiences.

And that is where the dead come in. The dead have one single message for you. I hear them say it to me every time I run through a cemetery. They whisper, “See you soon.”

The dead know that you and I will one day be history. Our time is limited. The stasis of our life is illusionary. You must take advantage of your opportunities while they exist. You have an opportunity now. Too many people spend their lives wishing to find someone amazing or wondering when they will become an outgoing person who has ‘opportunities’.

Maybe they’re waiting for the perfect moment to approach that hottie at the coffee shop. Well, cemeteries are full of people who waited their entire lives for ‘that moment’. Most people never go for what they want. I walk thought the sea of headstones. Here’s a guy, Jacob Ralston 1889 -1929. I wonder what his life was like. Did he love? Did he yearn for more? Or did he spend his life in quiet desperation? We were the same age. Except I’m still alive and he’s gone to dust. What will I do with my life? Will I take on challenges? Will I risk rejection for a chance to win the prize? Will I push myself to meet the people I find attractive? Or will I sit back, wait and one day pass from this world with regret? For that matter, what will you do?

I’m certain if the dead could vote they would tell us to go for it. We all end up dust anyway. I love the dead. They inspire. They lead. They remind me to live every day to the best of my ability. Because one day I will join their ranks in eternal sleep.

People must think I’m strange when they spot the smile on my face as I run out from between the gates of cemeteries.

And now the advert: One of the great ways to follow the lesson of the dead and take action in your life is to sign up for one of our events such as my Conversation Camp or a bootcamp with one of our instructors.

All the best, Wayne Elise

It is my presumption that people who use Macs as opposed to PCs are more interesting. I’m biased for sure, but when I see a girl with a sexy PowerBook on her lap I know she’s my type of woman. So in this scenario I’m presuming you feel the same way. Pay attention to her nonverbal feedback during your statements which can make you pursue the topic further or go in a different direction.

There she is. Red hair and running shoes. She is sitting at the coffee shop behind a 17 inch aluminum Apple piece of modern art. She taps at the keys with two fingers, periodically wrinkling her forehead and frowning.

You walk past her but stop at the last instant.

You: “Hey nice computer. I couldn’t help noticing that you have a Mac. I’m curious what you think.”

Her: “Oh, I like it. Much better than my old computer.”

You: “Yeah, no kidding. Mac’s rule. They just work. No fuss, no muss. I have to confess though, and I don’t know if you feel this way, but I feel a little superior to all those people with other types of computers. Like that guy over there. Poor guy has some sort of Dell.”

Her: “Ha ha, yeah I kind of feel that way.”

You: “Good I like that about you. Well, I should let you get back to your work. I imagine that it’s pretty important and all…”

She shakes her head. Her: “It’s okay, I’m not really being that productive.”

You: “Well, in that case, I might as well complete the distraction. So what’re you working on, if I may be so nosey as to ask?”

Her: “Oh, I have this report for work. It’s about inventory control and what we should do to make it better.”

You: “Fascinating.”

Her: “Really?”

You: “No, not really. Okay, maybe. Depends on what the inventory is I suppose. If its lollipops it could be interesting. How many ten year olds does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Tootsie Pop? Okay, I see I’ve lost you there. Let’s just move on. So what are you inventory controlling?”

Her: “We sell fabric. I’ve got lots of fabric. Different colors and patterns. We have to keep track of all that and right now we do that with tags and sometimes they fall off.”

You: “I see. So I’m guessing you went to art school and you have a design background.”

She nods.

You: (continuing) “I like that. I have often been told I was artistic. Oh no wait, they said I was autistic. My bad.”

She laughs.

You: “I like your laugh. What’s your name?”

Her: “Sharon, but my friends call me T-bone.”

You: “Nice to meet you Sharon. I like the nickname. I need a nickname. You’re T-bone. I’ll be big bone.”

She gives a funny look.

You: “Oh, I didn’t mean it like that. But yeah, I do have a bone for Mac girls.”

Her: “Ha, so what are you doing tonight?”

You: “That my new-found, sexy-friend, T-bone incorporated, is a good question. I’m going to sit down next to you before I answer that, if that is quite all right with you.”

Her: “Sure.”

You: “So, I’m contemplating my place in the universe.”

Her: “That’s a big question.”

You: “You sound as if you have given it some thought yourself.”

Her: “I have. I think that a person can never truly know because only a god could contemplate the whole of the universe. We as people with small brains can never figure it all out. So I have stopped trying to figure it out and just try to feel my way.”

You: “I like that. Makes sense on a lot of levels. I don’t know what your relationship situation is but I’d like to get your number and have sushi with you tomorrow….”

She smiles.

You: (emboldened) “I know how to pour some mean saki. You see it’s all in the wrist. You can’t pour your own. That’s bad luck.”

Her: “You know, let’s do that. I think it would be fun.”

You: “I think so but if not then you can tell your friends I was a toothless loser who sucked his miso soup through his nose. Okay, if I can see your cell phone I’ll just input my number under my new nickname, Big Bone.”

If you have trouble rolling conversation like this consider coming to one of my Conversation Camps. I teach the techniques to build light, fun conversation that also moves the interaction along in positive directions.

Until next time, keep the faith all you CA social Kung Fu men of glory.

You: Excuse me, I can’t help but notice that you are unsatisfied with your fruitcake-pattern hoodie. I have to say that I’m surprised but happy for you.

Her: “Ha, hah ha.”

You: “I’ll trade you my Lance Armstrong tire repair kit. Or better yet, I got some Grandma cookies here somewhere.”

Her: “Oh, I had too many of those lately.”

You: “Yeah, I can relate. I like that about you. You and I are the same. Who would have known. So I’m thinking of a New Year’s resolution. What’s yours going to be?”

Her: “To finish law school.”

You: “Oh that’s a good one. I can hire you to sue grandma for the bad cookies. Seriously though, that’s cool. I think I would like being a lawyer. I’d feel kinda powerful. Like yeah, give me a speeding ticket, see what happens.”

Her: “Haha, yeah it is good to know law for practical reasons. For instance, my professor says…”

You: “Hey, I like you. What are you doing after this?”

Her: “I’m meeting a friend for lunch.”

You: “Oh too bad, I thought it might be fun to sit down at the Starbucks over there and chat a bit more for five minutes. I like talking with you.”

Her: “Are you hitting on me?”

You: “Maybe I am and maybe I’m not. It all depends on if you like it or not. And judging by your smile now I would say, yes I AM hitting on you. Sure that’s the ticket.”

Her: “Well, just to warn you I have a black belt in flirting defense. But yeah, let’s sit down for five minutes.”

You: “Excellent. What’s your name by the way?”

Her: “My name is Persimonia”

You: “Nice name. I’m impressed. My name is your name here. In the language of the old country it means, he who drinks hot chocolate through a straw.”

'You girls are crazy!'

For a limited time. I want to help direct you. Swallow your ego and write about your mistakes. What happened on your meets/dates/interactions with the opposite sex that went wrong. Post it in the comments section below and I will give you some ‘Wayne’ ideas to try next time.  Let the fun begin.

Being charming often comes down to understanding the principles of human interaction. To help us better understand these dynamics, read the following story and comment on where Bob wimps out, uses pansy-speak and plays his cards wrong. Bonus points for spotting goofy techniques. I have placed numbers along the side to enable reference.

01: The Scene: A bar somewhere. Bob approaches a group of women.

02: “Hello ladies,” he says. “I can only stay for a minute.”

03: “Okay…,” the women say.

04: He sticks his hand out. “My name’s Bob.”

05: The women look at each other. One looks at the floor. Another looks at the ceiling.

06: One one thousand, two one thousand, three one…

07: One of the women sighs and takes his hand, “I’m Sandra. This is everyone.”

08: “Nice to meet you.”

09: “Sir,” a waiter leans in, “What would you like to drink?”

10: “Can I get a Diet Coke?” asks Bob.

11: “Rum in that?” the waiter raises his brow.

12: “No thank you.”

13: The waiter holds his fingers apart. “How bout a wee bit?”

14: “Okay fine, a wee bit then.” He turns back to the women. “So are you ladies having a good time?”

15: The women look at each other. One looks at the bartender. Another checks out her fingernails.

16: “Yeah, we’re having a good time,” says Sandra.

17: The other women giggle at that for some reason.

18: Bob leans into her. “So what do you think about this place?”

19: “It’s okay, we come here all the time.”

20: He nods his head. “I thought so. You’re party girls aren’t you?”

21: “No, this place is just near where we work.”

22: “Okay. Good for you.”

23: She knits her brow and turns back to the others.

24: “Your rum and… Diet Coke has arrived,” says the waiter setting the drink in front of Bob.

25: Bob checks his watch. “That was fast.” He takes a sip.

26: “Yes sir. That will be $57.”

27: Bob’s gag reflex makes him cough. “A touch expensive, isn’t it? Is this Rum from Bob Marley’s private collection?”

28: “No sir. I took the liberty of allowing you the privilege of paying for the ladies drinks.”

29: Sandra winks at Bob. “Thanks Bob.” She calls out, “Cheers to Bob!”

30: The women cheer and toast.

31: “Who’s Boob?” asks one woman.

32: “The boob who paid for the drinks,” says another.

33: “Thanks Boob.”

34: Bob grabs the waiter’s sleeve. “Can I not have the privilege of paying for the drinks?”

35: The waiter studies him then answers in a French accent he didn’t have a moment ago, “No, I dooonna thinka sooo. Not posseeebuulll.”

36: Bob pulls his wallet and hands over his Visa.

37: “Hey Sandra,” calls out one of the women. “You’re single You should give Bob here your number.”

38: All the women laugh at that.

39: Sandra squirms in her seat. “I don’t give out my number.”

40: The women goad her. “Awe come on.” “Give it a whirl.” “He’s got nice eyes.” “Must be loaded.”

41: Everyone stares at her.

42: She turns to Bob. “Why don’t you give me your number?”

43: All eyes shift to Bob.

44: “I can’t give my number out either,” says Bob.

45: “Why the hell not Boob?” someone calls out.

46: “I have just promised some people.”

47: “You’re one of those guys aren’t you?” asks a woman.

48: “What guys are those?” asks Bob.

49: “Those guys. Janice what are those guys called? From that book Mike was reading. The one that looks like a Bible?”

50: “The secret lives of pickup artists,” says the one called Janice.

51: “That’s right. You’re a pickup artist.”

52: “Do you do this all the time?”

53: “Do what?” asks Bob.

54: “Talk to strange women and try to pick them up.”

55: “Is your basement full of whips and sexual devices?” asks another woman.

56: They all laughed except Janice.

57: “No,” says Janice. “They just get their numbers and leave ‘em high and dry. Its like a game. Right?”

58: Bob looks at her, “Well, if I told you I’d have to kill you.”

59: That pops the tension. The women lean back and began talking about other things. “Did you see that sample they brought in today?” “I’ve to go home and feed the twins.” “I have no idea how the company is supposed to market that thing.” “Did you see the new guy at the shop?”

60: The waiter is at Bob’s shoulder. “Nice try sir but you lost them with that last quip.”

61: “I was being mysterious,” says Bob.

62: The waiter now has an Australian accent. “No worries mate. Plenty more where they came from.” He smiles and pockets the card off of one of the women who mouths, “Call me.”

63: Bob touches the arm of Sandra. “How about we swap numbers?” he asks.

64: “Actually I’m seeing someone.”

65: “Well you never know.  He might die or something.”

66: “That’s not funny.” She turns away.

67: Bob gets up and walks to the door.

68: The women all burst out laughing behind him.

69: Bob finds the valet and asks him to bring his car round.

70: “That was fast,” says the valet.

71: “Yeah,” responds Bob, “I could only stay for a minute.”

Okay so what did Bob do wrong or right or whatever you think? Put your comments in the forum using the numbers on the left for reference. I will post my thoughts later.

Here’s a teaser clip from Wayne Elise’s mini-seminar. If you would like to hear the full 50 minute version – it can be purchased and downloaded instantly as part of “the Collection” on our Products page…